Closer {H.S}

12. 𝙻𝚘𝚜𝚜

I did not miss the morning sickness.

This morning, I was cutting up some bananas for breakfast and Harry put some coffee on the kettle. Then Gabriel came in and decided to have some milk, and somehow that made me trigger.

I had had some morning sickness but I had been sick the past few days and didn't think much of it.

I sat on the couch watching TV while Harry cleaned up my vomit. I sighed, "I'm sorry."

Harry rolled his eyes, "You know how long I wanted to clean up vomit because you were pregnant?"

"That's kinda weird."

He just chuckled, "It is, but hey, we're having a baby again."

"Last time I was pregnant was five years ago. Can you believe Lucas would be five?"

Harry's eyes lost a bit of their sparkle at the mention of our late son.

He sat down next to me, "God I miss him."

HARRY

You know when time stops? In life, I'm sure time stopped eight times.

The first was when I saw Vicky in the Bar. I was pissed drunk but there was no way I was going to miss seeing her.

The second was when I found out I was going to be a dad.

The third was the day August was born.

The forth was when we found out Vicky was Pregnant with Lucas.

The fifth was when Lucas was born.

The sixth was when we got to the hospital and he was gone.

The seventh was when we adopted Gabriel.

The eight was just yesterday, when I found out Vicky was Pregnant again.

All these made memories that I would never forget.

But the one that hurt me the most was Lucas's death.

God, a piece of me died that day too. He was so precious to me.

I remember one day I went to take him out of his crib and he was all wrapped up and cosy and I unwrapped him and he just stretched out, and randomly just yelled "Dada!"

He was a year old then, I remember that August heard and woke up startled, and asked if he could snuggle with his brother.

I cried buckets when Lucas died.

I couldn't take care of myself but I also had to take care of Vicky, who went into a momentary depression state.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Vicky wiped my eyes.

I didn't realize I was crying.

I buried my face in her neck for a moment of weakness, "I'm so happy you're pregnant but I miss him so much. I miss him so damn much Vicky. It hurts... so much."

She ran her hand through my hair, "You know, my love, it happens. He's in a better place now. He's resting and watching over us, looking after this baby too. He's happy. He's safe. He's playing with his cars and eating all the fruit loops, he's also with my dad. He's taking care of him. I know how much it hurts to think about him, but dont you think he's upset you're not thinking about him? He'll see you in the blink of an eye, he won't miss you. But you will miss him, so hold on to what we have of him now so one day we can be together and share all the memories. And you know what? He will always love his daddy, no matter what."

᯽

It hurts to see him hurt, even if it's not real.