Dear Stranger,
Have you ever played would you rather? Would you rather freeze or roast to death? Be stung by a thousand wasps or be mauled by a bear? Kill one friend or ten strangers?
I never really liked that game, it was just to over the top and pointless. It's aim was either to watch you decent slowly into a drunken madness or drag something out from deep with in you from a question that meant nothing.
Looking back on it this game isn't so stupid after all. I am now playing a real life version of this game.
Would I rather die quickly or slowly? Would I rather see the world through fading faulty eyes or stop the image whilst it's still clear? Do I wait or should I die now? Let the pain take over as I become nothing or die without seeing the end?
You see I have been given the opportunity to be euthanised to cut my life short when it gets to much. I want to but at the same time I don't. I don't want to be that sad little puppy put down because people perceive it to be too weak to carry on, however at the same time I crave the control, I crave the power to be able to push my own self destruct button. I am weak but I will myself still to be strong. Sometimes I need to let go and let someone else roll my dice.
What scares me most about this concept is the fact I don't know my limits; I will never face this again. Rushing towards the end when I could have admired the scenery. Bending not breaking my own limitations. Fearing not the idea itself but me misusing and misjudging how much of the race I can run.
I do not wish for you too add your own beliefs to the pile of options I have already received from people who don't know how hard it really is. Don't get me wrong I understand people say what they do in order to help me but in all honesty it only adds more ammunition to the war inside of me. I will write again when I decide who decides my fate but until then don't worry yourself with my fights, for to me you are only an outlet and I do not wish for you to make me anything more than a stream conciseness merely momentarily taking up space on this earth.
From Someone
YOU ARE READING
Dear Stranger
General FictionDear Stranger, Have you ever felt as though you were going to die? Have you ever felt like you were walking on the edge? Like in a split second you could fall into the void? I can tell you now that being close to the end isn't like that at all. I sh...
