I feel lonely. I feel like nobody will ever love me. I feel confused, about dumb things. I look forward to a fantasy. I look forward to somthing that will never happen. I want to fit in. I want to grow out my hair so I'm like other girls. I want to like the type of music that other people like. I want to cry for no reason. I want someone to hold me and comfort me and I want to love someone. When I joke with my friends about how I'm single and sad I mean it. I play off my problems as jokes. I want to kiss someone. I want to not worry about my future. I just want to be happy. But I want to have problems too. I want to be broken, just for attention. I want some incurable disease. I want broken bones. I want to be as damaged as everyone pretends to be. I want to have a messed up family, and I want it all to go wrong. But everything is perfect. I have all I want and all I'll ever need. I want to open up but I'm to scared. I can't do anything. I want to be pretty. I want to be skinnier. I want to be shorter. I want to be more athletic. I want to have good grades. I want to have more than one friend. I want my friend to care more. I want her to see how it hurts me when she says it as a joke. I want to cry with her but I'm to scared. I don't want her to judge me. I don't want him to hate me. I don't trust them. I'm not persistent enough. I need to work harder. I need to hold it in. I don't want to look emo, it's just a comfy sweatshirt. Not my fault it's black. So what if it's black? Why does the color of my shirt matter? Why does my body matter? Why am I here. Why can't I die. Why do I want to hurt myself? I just want attention. That's probably why I'm sending you all of this. For attention. I want love, why do I hurt so easily? Why did that one word kill my reason to live? Why do I want to slice my wrists? I won't. I'm too scared. I know what happens if you do. You get hooked. People get scared. People gossip. Soon everyone knows. I told one person! Then she told her and she told him and now they all know! Why do I watch that stuff? Why does it matter? Why do the judge me? Why do I want to hurt? Why do I want to be pretty? Why do I care what they think? Why did we go there. Why did they hurt him. Why do they hate us? Why can't we go there. Why can't I eat that? Because you need to loose weight. Work hard. Do I even like swim? I don't like work, why do I work? Why do I blow all of the money I make on stupid shit? Why can't I just save it. Why don't i like that anymore? I did last month. Oh I thought you did. Why can't I split my mind into two people? Oh wait it is in two. Why can't I be special? Why do I work to impress when nobody cares? Shut up. Nobody cares.
