Dirty jokes XD

Q and A

What goes in dry and hard, but comes out wet and soft?
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Chewing gum ya perv
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Your finger fits right in it. You play with it when you're bored. Once you're married, you're stuck with the same one forever. What is it?
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A ring ! Get your mind out of the gutter.
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What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?
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A toothbrush COME ON
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4. You play with it at night before bed. You can't be seen fiddling with it at work. You only let very, very special people touch it. What is it?
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A smart phone DUH
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What's long and hard and has cum in it?
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A cuCUMber haha got you
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What does every woman have that starts with a "V" and that she can use to get what she wants?
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Her VOICE you sexist asshole
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What goes up, lets out a load, and then goes back down?
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An elevator. you're a disgusting human being
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What do men keep in their pants that their partners sometimes blow?
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MONEY. your mind is basically a citizen of the gutter.
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What's made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
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ERASERS. safety first kiddos
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People think these are better when they're longer, but short ones can be really powerful, too, and there is totally such a thing as TOO long. What are they?
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TWEETS. 140 characters is not enough to express how gross your imagination is.
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What's most useful when it's long and hard?
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A college education.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger's is really long. Michael J. Fox's is really short. Mickey Mouse's isn't human. Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?
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A last name. Did you really think... Oh my god.
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If you put three fingers into these holes, it's gonna be a shocker. What am I talking about?
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A POWER OUTLET. BECAUSE THAT WOULD GIVE YOU AN ELECTRIC SHOCK. DON'T DO IT.
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What starts with "p" and ends with "orn" and is the hottest part of the movie industry?
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POPCORN, OBVIOUSLY.
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t's fun to do, but you hate knowing your parents do it, too. What is it?
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FACEBOOK. WOW. You're so twisted.
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Every man has one, some are big, some are small. Blowing them feels great, but they drip if you aren't careful. What are they?
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Noses. They're noses. Why would you even think... Ugh.
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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?
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Seatbelts. Ew, man.
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What's white, gooey, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
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Toothpaste. Dental hygiene is so important. You sick freak.
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What gets wetter when things get steamy?
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Steam boats! An integral part of the evolution of marine travel!
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They're powerful and fun, especially when you put your fingers in them. What are they?
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Bowling balls! Hahahahahahahaha. I know what you were thinking...