How I Did It

Chapter 3

~About three years later (summer going into Senior year)~

"Easy come, easy go. That's just how you live oh

Take, take take it all, but you never give

Should have known you were trouble from the first kiss

Had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?"

Dad looked at me in curiosity when I stopped singing along. We were on our way to the first Nelson football game of the school year. Maggie had grown up drastically as had I. She was still Maggie, just mellowed down some and more piercings. Her flaming red hair was as bright as ever still.

Only weeks after I had met Tristan and everything was going great, our teacher moved the seat arrangement. If I was the same person as I was today it wouldn't have been a problem, but at the awkward age of fourteen, neither of us had the confidence to speak to each other. He still came to talk to the coach during gym, but he only waved to me, giving a half-assed smile. I gave my own back and we went on in our own direction. It was sad, but that's life.

Sophomore year I realized that I wasn't Maggie's shadow anymore. Guys started looking at me too. Every year after Freshman I was asked out by boys for Homecoming, Winter Formal, and anything other dance for high school. I had my fair share of boyfriends. None of them stayed for long.

My dad was driving me because Maggie was on a date with her boyfriend and we'd meet up later. I had a driver's license, but didn't own a car yet which sucked.

"Dad?"

"Yep."

"What's so bad about her eyes being opened while they kissed?"

He glanced at me. His eyes danced with amusement and he grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Because your faces are so close together all you'll probably be able to see is their cheek or up their nose. It's just plain creepy."

I laughed. "Thanks for the advice Dad." He pulled up to the field and l was ready to get out.

"Wait." I stopped. "Just one more thing. Remember first kisses are always awkward. Whether it's your all around first kiss or your first kiss with a certain someone." I nodded. He didn't know that I had my first kiss at The Floor with a hot college student in Junior year. He didn't need to know that though.

I walked to underneath the stands where some of the Seniors would be. With my sister's reputation, Maggie's followers, and my own we were able to score a seat with the party crowd in the first month of Freshman year. My parents tried to stay out of my business as much as possible. I was guessing that they were too afraid of what I was doing to ask around so instead they decided to pretend to be oblivious.

I greeted my friends and took a swig from someone's beer bottle handing it back to them with a lazy grin.

Yeah I partied, I drank, And I danced and sang drunkenly, but that didn't mean anything else. People look at me scared sometimes in the hallways like I'm going to mug them or they will try to drag me to an empty room at house parties. I had no piercings whatsoever unlike Maggie. Maggie did hook up with people often, but it was none of my business. Anyway, once she started dating Jason she stopped her antics. I was still somewhat holy and wasn't going to give away that innocents so easily. I would never admit this to my friends, but I still found sex a thing to do once you know you love the person and marry them. As they said in Middle school; your virginity is a gift to be given to one person. Once it's gone there's no taking it back.

There's Tristan's car. I gabbed a full bottle and chugged it down. There's Tristan. Round two. And right on cue, there's Tristan's girlfriend. Round three and I'm out.

I drop third bottle on the moist ground and sit in a pile of mud I didn't see under me. My butt sinks in the mud just like my fake happiness, my fake confidence, and my whole fake persona. I watch the game alone for what seems like an eternity when somebody approaches me from behind. I'm too empty to care.

"Hey Jan."

"Sup Mags."

We sit in silence. Both our butts making gross squishing noises when we moved. I don't know how that's attractive, but as Maggie says, we can pull anything off. Tristan and his girlfriend are laughing and smiling in the stands above my head. I can hear every word they say as it travels through the bleachers.

"How are your applications going, Baby?" She said sickly sweet.

"There good I think. I hope I get in."

She rubbed his arm with those bony hands of hers. "Oh I'm sure Stanford will not only accept you, but give you a scholarship!" Stop kissing up, you've been dating for two months it's time to get real.

"Thanks, Babe."

Then there was that smile. the one that he used to give to only me. I had to look away as he kissed her. Fuck baseball, I'm onto round four.

Maggie rubbed my back in comfort.

"Your too good for him, Janet." The game was over. We were the only people still behind the stands. I only noticed this once Tristan and his girlfriend stood up to leave. I vaguely remember friends whispering goodbye, talking quietly in pity. I don't think any of them knew about my long outdated crush. My overwhelming stench of beer and desperation was strong enough.

"Jason's taking me home. Do you want to ride with?" Maggie asked. I shook my head. "OK well I'm going to leave your phone right here for you to call your dad when your ready and..." I didn't hear the rest. She walked away reluctantly, Jason's arm wrapped around her shoulders.

I heard some other people talking then groups of cars taking off. Before I could think I was singing Grenade by Bruno Mars sounding like a high hippie.

"Cause I would catch a grenaaaade for ya!

Throw my hand on a blaaade for ya!

I'd jump in front of a traaaaaaaain for ya!

You know I'd do anythaaaang for ya!

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oooooo..." The 'oh's were just a bit off.

When I opened my eyes a kind face was staring at mine with concern. I liked how even though bangs weren't popular anymore he still wore them. I loved those brown eyes. So much...

I frown. This isn't right. He's not supposed to be here.

He says something to me, but I can't hear it. It's like I'm all of a sudden deaf. I point an accusing finger at him. My eyebrows were furrowed. "I don't know you anymore."

He sighed and scooped me up in his arms bridal style. I hiccuped. My head knew I should be mad at him, hit him, and just be mean to him because if I didn't scare him away he would always be there. My body reacted differently though. My heart sped up next to his and my chest rost and fell heavily. My whole composure relaxed in his embrace.

Even though I was drunk, I still remembered these words:

"It's you whose unrecognizable, Love."

~oOo~

The next morning I woke up in my own bed with a killer head ache. My head was spinning and I recognized the feeling and knew I drunk last night. Though I couldn't remember for the life of me what had happened that night. Not only a minute after I was awake my phone started to vibrate.

"Hello?" I mumbled.

"Hey there. Feelin' alright?" Maggie whispered. Some people found it creepy just how inseperatable we were, but as you could guess, we didn't care about there opinion.

"I've been better." Not a moment later I felt last night's contents burning at the back of my throat. Phone clutched in hand, I ran to the bathroom and pucked out the vial substance. Once my ears stopped buzzing I realized Maggie was screaming in my ear. "What did you say?"

"I said, get on your game again, Girl 'cause Tristan McClellan is available again!"

That's when I remembered the words. I was now unrecognizable from who I used to be and yet they still called me 'Love'. I did not known who those words were from or when they had said them, but I remembered them and I clung to them.