Love Heals

Who I Was

It was maybe an hour after we got home from work that Austin seemed to relax again. I decided now was as good a time as ever to ask about our past.
"Austin?" I said as I washed lettuce. Tonight we would be eating salad and fried chicken we had picked up on our way home.
"Yes?" He said, looking up from his laptop.
"You said you would try to remind me about our time together and how we knew each other, now is as good a time as any," I answered with a hopeful smile.
"I suppose there should be no secrets between us. I guess I'll start at the beginning."
I nodded as I set the food on the coffee table so we could converse comfortably on the couch over dinner.
Austin began again as I sat down, "you and I met our senior year of high school. It was an accident really. We had no classes together and our paths rarely crossed.
Your friend, who was a sophomore then, was on the football team with my brother. I believe your friend's name was Teagen?"
I shook my head indicating that I did not remember a Teagen, much less a friend that was two years younger than me.
Austin shrugged and continued, "well Teagen and my brother, Russel, were fighting in the hallway and you and I just so happened to be there too.
You were very protective of Teagen and tried to get between them to stop the fight. Honestly I thought you two were siblings. Russel ended up pushing you away and I caught you.
I tried to hold you back so you wouldn't get hurt but then a junior called Christian stepped in. I suppose he thought I was hurting you and punched me in the face. If I had thought you and Teagen could have been siblings, I definitely thought Christian was your brother. I couldn't imagine why else he would have punched me. There was a look in his eyes that was protective rather than possessive or jealous like a boyfriend.
You, Teagen, and Christian had an incredible friendship despite the random age gaps. It's sort of sad that there's no recognition on your face of who they are...
But that's besides the point. After Christian punched me, Russel got angry and tried to attack Christian. The situation got way out of hand. I ended up holding my brother back as you stopped Teagen and Christian. Funny how willing they were to listen to you, especially Christian.
Those two were such a big part of your life that getting to know you was the equivalent of meeting them.
From that point, you and I saw each other a lot, mostly due to Russel and Teagen's fights. Our football team was a toxic one. Everyone seemed to be fighting for the coach's favor. The best player each year was selected by the coach to be in the running for a full ride scholarship for college.
We ran into each other outside of their fights too, though. Every morning you would walk by where I sat with some friends as I waited for school to start. I never really spoke to girls but I felt the need to know you better, so I would say hi to you every morning. Slowly, we began walking in the halls together.
I found our height difference hilarious and called you 'kiddo' a lot. I suppose calling you that this morning sparked your memory just a little. Weird enough, you used to joke a lot about getting selective amnesia. There was a lot that you longed to forget.
You actually made me promise not to remind you of certain things should you get amnesia. It almost seemed as if you could predict the future."
He looked over at me, "does the promise still hold?"
"Help me remember who you are, who Teagen and Christian are. Let's let everything else stay in the past," I answered.
He nodded, "Okay, I'll try. By chance, did you bring along a white cookie box? You kept all your diaries in there."
I thought back to a two days ago when I was unpacking boxes and remembered the white box. It had a note on it from my sister that said not to read the diaries inside if I didn't want to remember the past. I assume she had put the note there when she had cleaned up the stuff from my dorm. I had heeded her advice and not opened it thus far.
I went into my room to fetch it and then handed it to Austin, "Here, you can read them and filter out whatever you need to."
"Alright, I'll read these tonight and put sticky notes covering things that you probably don't want to remember. Is that ok?"
I nodded and thanked him. Then I gathered the plates and put them in the dishwasher.
Austin left the couch and went into his room. After cleaning up the kitchen I went to my room to take a shower.
'I wonder what was so bad that even he did not want me to remember,' I thought as the warm water hit my skin. 'I wonder when my curiosity will outgrow my fear of the past.'