#MyJourney

A Glimpse In My Life

I vividly remember kids my age indulging in novels and me not liking it, I wasn't a novel person. I used to read a book or two, but only when school forced us and I would be getting marks for it. Language was always my strong subject. But that doesn't mean I had a liking for them. I hated and still hate anything and everything related to school. It was a perfect representation of every mean high schoolers you read and see in movies.

I was your typical average kid and the thing with average kids is they get left out, because people can't relate to them. Either you are those famous jocks or the nerds who are titled losers. Life was a roller coaster of suggestions, everyone, even a stranger would come and suggest me on something, and my naïve self-starting taking that seriously.

I don't remember having close friends, still don't. Friends for me were people I was just on talking terms with. I felt like something was wrong with me. Past 7-8 years have been like a deep dark hole, everyone around me had some suggestions, advice or comment to pass on. I started hated gatherings. I hated them, I reached a point where I felt like every living organism on this planet was judging me. So I did the only thing my naïve self could do, I stopped speaking. Whenever I would speak, I would make sure I am not expressing my actual self. I started living, speaking and even dressing like people around me, just to feel accepted.

Teenage years hit me hard and I hated anything and everything, depression and anxiety is a whole other story for another day. But just summarizing it for you, living was hard, still is. I hated when I would get up every morning and find out I was still breathing, I questioned my existence. I felt like a looser, still do.

Then one day, I was sitting in my balcony, studying for my exams, when suddenly a bird flew and sat really close to me, looked directly in my eyes and then just flew away. I don't know what it did to me, but I wrote for the first time that day. As I was writing, I realised I had reached a point where hiding my emotions under anger had become a habit. I found it hard to express myself. It was like a wakeup call. I wrote my first poem, just as a challenge to make myself express. And I don't even know if this sounds believable or not to you, but after writing it, I felt like I had expressed something of my own self and nobody judged me for that, I felt relieved.

Relief, that one emotion which had been missing from my life for a while now. It wasn't enough but it was a positive change, and that day I opened the doors of literature at the age of 13.

Years flew by and I had a support system in life, words, something so unexpected gave me hope. I think it was 2016 and someone in school was talking about Wattpad and I overheard it. I came back home and searched what it was and introduced it to my sister.

Somewhere in June of the very same year my sister told me she had started writing on this digital platform, so as a supportive sister, I made an account only with the intentions of reading her book. But then curiosity got the best of me and I started reading small books and then here we are, I read almost every day.

I think it was year 2017, when I wanted a platform to share my writing as well, but too anxious by the feeling of being judged, I dropped it. But the thought lingered in my mind every time, so I gathered all my courage and posted the first chapter of Kalki and here we are today, with a now completed book.

As far as the genres I want to write, I will say I don't know. I am exploring, trying to find something which catches my attention.

I have been always asked why did I stop Kalki to write this now completed novel, Our Love. I wanted my book to be a part of wattpride. And I knew I couldn't concentrate on two books at a time. So I stopped the novel.

Growing up, I had always read and heard about how society always ill-treated people of the LGBTQ+ community, my young self-had made a self-promise to do something for this community in any way I can. So when I read about wattpride, I completed the promise I had made. This is the only way I know to express my respect for this community. Writing that book was tough, I got a lot of criticism and people started questioning my sexuality, still do, but that made me want to write more for them. There is nothing wrong in a straight person support this community. They are humans, their sexuality don't matter to me. And hence the book Our Love.

In the start I didn't market my story, only my sister knew, but then few people from the school got to know. Only one or two, I trusted them, so it was all good. But then with time, I started opening about my mental health, because I felt maybe there is someone like me who feels alone. I wanted them to know that they are not alone. And then I slowly started talking about my book. Social media, the only place I marketed my book and still do.

And this is all I have for today my lovelies, I'll tell you more some other day. I don't say it enough but thank you for every single read, it means the world to me.

I hope to see you all real soon.

Also, you can follow me on instagram @khusheetaneja

Till next time people.

Much Love To All,

Khushee Taneja

:)