A Jaylor Love Story

Afterglow

"I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue. Put you in jail for something you didn't do. I pinned your hands behind your back, thought I had reason to attack, but no..."

Uncomfortable silence filled the backseat of the car. We were headed back home from a wrap party for Joe's film The Favorite.

The beginning of the party was wonderful. Joe introduced me to some of his friends from the cast and crew. He had told me many stories about these people, so it was nice to finally be able to put a face to the familiar names.

I reunited with Emma, who I hadn't seen since probably 2015. We had drifted apart during the mess that was 2016, so it was nice to see her as she used to be one of my best friends.

After speaking with her for a good half hour, we ended our conversation just as someone came over to speak with her. I looked around the large room for Joe and was confused when I couldn't find him. I asked a few of the people whose names I remembered if they'd seen him, which none of them had. After a few more minutes of searching I started to worry. I eventually spotted him in the corner of the room with a woman whose name I remembered to be Faye. She was a year or two younger than him, had long red hair and a short blue dress on. The pair were engaged in a conversation, I stared for a few moments and noticed her laugh at something he had said.

The wheels in my head started turning and I instantly thought the worse. He was cheating on me. I'd been cheated on by a few guys in my past and it had never hurt as much as this. Joe and I have had many deep conversations about how being cheated on affected my confidence and ability to trust in the past, so I was utterly devastated that he would do this. 

I tried to remain hopeful that I was misreading the situation, and assuming the worst, but I once the idea of him and that girl got into my mind, I knew it wouldn't leave any time soon.

Not feeling confident enough to confront him, I returned to our table and slowly sipped my glass of wine. After a few minutes Joe sat down next to me, placing one hand on my thigh. "I saw you talking to Emma. Glad you got to catch up with her" he said, and I nodded refusing to make eye contact with him. "You okay?" he questioned me. I pulled myself together not wanting to make a scene and nodded, turning to face him. I downed the rest of my wine quickly excused myself from the table to go and grab another drink, leaving a dumbfounded Joe back at the table.

I tried to act normal for the rest of the night allowing Joe to enjoy the party, as I knew this was a big night for him and the rest of the cast. I spent most of my time with Emma and a few of the other women from the cast. I think Joe could tell I was upset, so he avoided me for the rest of the night.

Around 11, Joe said his goodbyes and I gave Emma my new phone number and told her she was welcome to come over my place anytime. Joe and I exited the venue and walked out to the car in silence. He opened my door for me as always, making me smile slightly and then climbed in next me. I said hello to my driver and asked him to take us back to my flat.

The ride was almost completely silent, with the occasional hums coming from the radio up front. Eventually Joe spoke up. "What's wrong Taylor? I can tell you're upset about something".

I stayed quiet for a few seconds and whispered "I saw you" back to him. He looked back at me puzzled and asked me what I was talking about.

"Faye" I replied and he still seemed confused

"the woman you're sleeping with" I added quietly.

He looked back at me eyebrows raised, a shocked expression resident on his face. "Are you serious? Taylor" he paused, "I don't know what you think you saw, but Faye and I are just friends, we shared a make-up artist so we talked often on filming days. We were just catching up" he said to me, slightly annoyed.

I stayed silent, not really wanting my poor driver to have to listen to us argue and waited until I was home.

We walked into the flat and resumed the argument.

"I really don't know why you're mad at me right now Taylor. I haven't done anything wrong"

"Oh, really? I saw the way you were looking at her and how foolish she acted every time you made some stupid joke" I said back, raising my voice slightly as I walked across the living room. Joe sighed and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Say something!" I yelled to him as he sat down on the couch.

"Taylor" he yelled, catching me off guard, and forcing my distressed pacing to an abrupt halt.

"I'm so fucking in love with you Taylor Swift!" he shouted. He quickly caught himself noticing the scared look on my face and returned to a slightly quieter pitch.

"It kills me every time you question our relationship, because I love you.' he said, his voice quivering slightly. My face began to fall as I realized how stupid I was being.

"All I want is for you to feel loved by me and shit like this makes me feel like a failure" he mumbled. "I understand that you've been burned by other men before, but I'm not like that. I'm not Adam or Jake. It pains me when you think I would do something so awful to you." he said tears building up in his eyes.

"Joe, I..." I sniffled.

"Save it Taylor." he said wiping his eyes and retreating to the guest bedroom.

I stood in the center of my living room, shocked and heartbroken. I immediately felt awful for questioning him. I don't even know why I did. Joe treats me like a queen, and I know he would never hurt me, but I may have just lost him.

I compose myself and creep down the hallway, slowly turning the guest room doorknob. I open it slowly and my heart breaks even more seeing him sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands looking so defeated. Why'd I have to break what I love so much? 

"Joe?" I gulped. He quickly looked up at me, trying to cover up the fact that he had been crying.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered. I walked over to the bed and sat next to him. I pulled his hand into mine and placed my other hand on his cheek, wiping the tears that were still there.

"Hey..., it's all me. In my head. I'm the one who burned us down, but it's not what I meant. I'm sorry that I hurt you." Suddenly a white ball of fluff pounced onto Joe's lap making us both smile. He reached down to pet Olivia and I spoke up again, regaining the serious tone from a few moments ago.

"I don't want to lose you Joe. Please don't go. I love you" I stuttered.

He looked up at me and opened his mouth to speak, then quickly closed it again. He thought for a second and with a voice full of hesitation whispered "I just ... I just want you to trust me. To trust that I love you and I will never, ever, hurt you."

"I know and I'm so sorry I ever thought you would do something so awful to me. It was stupid" I apologized.

"No" he said, catching me off guard. "It wasn't stupid. Before we started dating you had no reason to trust the men in your life, I just want you to always remember that I'm not them. Is that something you think you can do?" He said placing his hand on my cheek.

I nodded slowly and whispered "I love you Joe".

"I love you too" he said placing a light kiss on my lips. "More than you will ever know".