The lonely rambles of a full heart

Me

I made this account when I was in the lowest part of my life so far, I struggle with insomnia so it gave me something to do at night instead of being alone with myself. And trust me when I say I still don't like being alone with my thoughts.
Anyone who struggled with depression will know, there's a definite difference between a person who has depression and someone getting depressed.
It's really quite simple, anyone can be depressed from time to time, but depression is a constant struggle to fake a smile, day after day.
I consider myself the happiest I've ever been, and yet I still can't stop my own thoughts from pulling me down. And I guess that's something I'll just have to live with, one bad comment brings me down completely.
I'll shut everything, everyone out, maybe for a day or two, I'll get filled with anxiety and doubt, and hate who I am. And it's horrible, especially being in a relationship.
One of the hardest parts for me is letting my girlfriend know what's wrong, I've had this for so long at this point, that I just kind of try and hide it. And that's not good in a relationship setting I'll tell you that much. And this is truly something I need to work on.
I will say one of the nicest things is when my girlfriend finds out, to have someone go to the lengths that a partner will to help you is really nice. I assure you, if you struggle at all with depression, find someone to tell, having a friend always makes it better. If you can at all, try to get better at telling people what's going on.
I guess at this point I'm saying what I would tell my younger self.
I guess there's one more big thing, don't always put others before you, even if you don't think you're important, which I never did, I was always putting everybody before me, I always had this idea that if I could make others happy I would be too, but that never worked out. I'm fact it made everything worse.
I had found someone who also struggled with her own problems and I tried to make them happy, but it never really worked and I ended up pushing all my friends away because this person wanted all of my time. It was a pretty bad situation. Please don't be afraid to get out of those like I was.
But for as hard as it was I have to say to anyone who struggles with depression it gets so much better. Life gets better, once you learn the controls, and take the reigns yourself it can really improve. I'm happy now, which is something I never thought I would be able to say, yes I still have episodes of depression, but I can wear a real smile all the rest of the time.

And that's amazing to me.