Saudade
Heto na naman ako, paulit ulit na bumabalik sa mga alaalang walang ginawa kundi saktan ako. i just miss him, truly.
Walang tigil ang mga luha kong sunod sunod ang pagpatak habang nakatingala sa langit upang pagmasdan ang kagandahan ng buwan, nagmamakaawa ako sa kanya na itigil na ang sakit na meron ang puso ko.
It all happened so fast, in just one snap nawala ang lahat, lahat ng mga bagay na pinanghawakan ko, all your promises, your words, your kisses, touch, and love, pero minahal mo nga ba talaga ako? Or you just made me feel loved because it was convenient for you?
"Hey, I miss you" he said after answering his call. I smiled, hayst he's too sweet
"Hi, how was your day, I miss you too" mag ttwo weeks na kaming hindi nagkikita, we are both busy kaya video call and tawag lang ang nagagawa namin.
"Tiring, dami ginagawa, i just need my happy pill right now" he replied. God knows how much I want to go to him right now.
"Do you want me to come over?" i said without any hesitations
"No wag na, you should rest, may klase din ako bukas, ayaw kitang iwan dito sa condo" he said. I can tell that he's really fed up na already.
Nagbihis ako, hindi ko siya pinakinggan I badly wanna be with him din, I miss him so much. So i drove all the way from paranaque to Manila ng 11:00 pm just to see him. Pag dating ko sa condo niya galit na galit siya
"Luna napakatigas ng ulo mo, I told you not to come anymore, you had me worried sick" he said furiously, but i just hugged him and cried on his chest
" Damn, I miss you" I said in between my sobs. He hugged me tighter and kissed my forehead.
"Baby, I miss you too. please don't ever do that again" hawak hawak niya ako ng mahigpit. I can't believe that this man is so soft. he looks so tough and ruthless pero pag dating sakin parang takot na takot siyang hawakan ako.
"I'm just tired, when you said that I should rest, I know I can't do that, not without you, ikaw yung pahinga ko." he planted a soft kiss on my lips. I missed him so much. i just want to stay in his arms.
Nagkakilala kami dahil kay Jeanne, madalas ako dalhin ni Jeanne sa inuman, party, dinner, or kahit get together ng mga friends niya. Duon ko nakilala si Jeff, unang kita ko palang sa kanya nagkacrush na ako sa kanya, he's not tall, far from the ideal height na gusto ko sa guys. But his eyes was so captivating, there's something in his eyes that made me look at him, parang nagungusap, it's like he's asking me to come to his world.
Kapag nagmmeet kasama sila, most of the time kamustahan lang kami, I never thought na one day aabot sa point na magiging ganito kaming dalawa. He was really sweet as a person, lalo na sa mga friends niya, he would always look after them. Kaya at first I really thought na he treats me like that kasi included na ako sa circle of friends niya.
Pero one time, he texted me asking me if I was free, he asked me to have dinner with him. Eh syempre ako tong si tanga crush na crush siya pumayag ako. Nagdinner kami sa isang eatery sa may likod ng UST since malapit lang condo niya duon. Akala ko it was just a one time deal, who would've have na mauulit pala yun, until sa nasanay na ako na every Friday night we would go out for dinner bago makipagkita sa mga friends niya.
We discreetly go on dates kasi ayaw namin pareho na ma-hot seat, pero Jeanne is one hell of a woman, nahuli niya kami na nagddate tapos sinabi niya sa mga kaibigan nila. Since then kami na lagi inaasar nun.
One evening, he called me.
"Luna where are you?" he asked
"Uhm, pauwi galing work why?" I answered habang naghihintay ng masasakyan pauwi.
