dissolve. nh

epilogue

You're so stupid, Niall. Look what you've done? How can I live with myself knowing that I can't call you when I'm scared, or when I'm in need of you, or just simply want to look deeply and passionately into the eyes of the only man I've ever loved and loved me back?

I'm so sorry, baby. It's been five days, thirteen hours, and eight minutes since I last saw you smile. You've always had the most beautiful smile. I adored the way that, when it was genuine, you're eyes would crinkle in the corners and you would often throw your head back in laughter. The blue in your eyes would seem to sparkle, like there were actual stars dancing in their wake. It always nagged me in the back of my mind how that could possibly be, but I just had to admit that your eyes lit up my gloomy entirety.

They finally caught Darren, the police. He was found in one of Hank's warehouses. He's serving 25-to-life, plus yours. I'm so relieved that the deadbeat gets what was coming for him but no matter how many life sentences he has to serve, it won't ever bring you back.

We should've stayed home. I knew it. I'm not blaming you, I blame myself for what happened to you. And I know that I will never forgive myself.

I feel so out of place at your funeral. Nixon and a couple of your other close friends were with us, but I knew no one else there. It was then, as I wsa introduced to your relatives, how much was taken away from us. I never got to meet your family in the way that I had hoped. Your family is so high-classed; I would've never assumed.

I miss you, we all do, and we will never stop loving and missing you. I won't say you're in a better place, because what is better than a place where you are surrounded by people you love? I hope you aren't angry with me.

Liam is progressing well. He's wheelchair-bound, but he has been doing so much better and they're going to release him from the hospital soon. Nicole...she has amnesia. It was heartbreaking for her to look at me the way she did when I first saw her, the confused and questioning gleam in her eyes as no sign of recognition dinged in her head. It hurt, Niall. It hurt so damn much, and I have no one to support me. What am I to do?

I love you, Niall. I love you so fucking much, and I can't thank you enough for making my life so much better. I hope to be reunited with you one day, and I hope you can look over me until then. I miss you. I love you.

-- Bleu

Tiny sobs push pas my lips as I signed my name. It was dark and cold, and I was still dressed in the black dress and heels from the funeral that took place here so many hours earlier. There no no one around--just me, my letter, and Niall's tombstone.

My knees gave in and I fell right in front of the marker, the itchy grass rubbing uncomfortably across my knees. The sobs grew louder and stronger, the pain in my heart was unbearable. My fingers traced over the carving, but barely able to read it in the mid of night.

I knew Darren never liked things to get his way, but I didn't think he'd do anything like this. All because he disagreed with Hank's agreement and our relationship. I hoped he rotted in that prison he was in. He had injured Niall so severly that the paramedics couldn't move him because it could damage something. It did.

I placed the letter and pen at the top of the tombstone before standing, wiping the tears from my mascara-stained cheeks, and whispered: "I love you back."

( this book is so poorly written and uncoordinated in some ways...im incredibly sorry. so yeah thats the end of dissolved. i hope you enjoyed reading !

- kiana )