Ever After ~ Mockingjay Sequel

Chapter 2

        I can see the cameras before we even leave the train. The flashes send me back to each of my Games; the video crews remind me of the making of the propos during the war. I glance at Peeta and I can see that he's having similar recollections. The worst thing that could happen right now is for him to have one of his flashbacks. I reach for his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. We're here for a celebration, after all.

        Haymitch leads us out of the train. I catch sight of Plutarch immediately, as well as the only living members of my camera crew: Cressida and Pollux. They beam at me and I rush to them. 

        "Hey Mockingjay. Peeta," Cressida greets us, smiling. I haven't seen her since the war ended, but she hardly looks changed. Her half-shaved head is the same, but her face lacks the bruises and gashes that it held when I saw her last. Scars replace the wounds, but she doesn't seem to mind. Pollux grins at Peeta and I. He's an Avox, so he can't audibly greet us, but his joy shows in his face. 

        Although I make every attempt to avoid eye contact with him, Plutarch finds his way over to us almost immediately, led by Haymitch. Haymitch knows that I don't particularly enjoy all of the memories mixed in with seeing Plutarch. I guess leading him to me is his form of revenge for his rude awakening earlier. "Katniss!" he exclaims. "Peeta! How was the train ride?" 

        "Great," Peeta replied pleasantly.

        "Long," I grumbled at the same time. 

        Plutarch chuckled. "I thought you'd be more pleasant now that the war's over." I shrugged. The train ride was long. Even with the trains travelling 200 miles per hour, it took hours to get from Twelve to Four. Plus, I didn't have the patience to exchange pleasantries with Plutarch. 

        I've only been to Four once before, and that was during the Victory Tour. I wasn't paying much attention to anything but pretending to be madly in love with Peeta then, so this feels like going to a foreign land for the first time. It's warmer here than in Twelve, and brighter. I can feel a slight breeze coming from the sea and the air tastes salty. Palm trees line the roads and I can see the ocean in the distance. We follow Plutarch and Haymitch to a gorgeous white house right on the ocean. The walls are made up mostly of windows, so we can see the party before we even enter. 

        The second that we step through the door, I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I wish they wouldn't. I scan the crowd for a familiar face, but mainly I just see people who appear to be District Four natives, with well-built bodies and sunkissed skin. Peeta catches sight of Annie in no time, however, and we head to her. 

        Annie seems almost as sane as everyone else these days. I thought she would have gone off the deep end once Finnick died, but she's been holding herself together quite well. It's for the baby, she told me. She wants to be her best for him. He's all that she has left of her one true love. She still slips up from time to time and loses her mind a bit, but she seems rather put-together today. 

        She beams as she comes towards Peeta and I and embraces us. Clinging to her arm is her son, two-year-old Finnick. He greets us shyly and I grin down at him. Seeing him hurts. He has the same stunning sea green eyes as his father, and it sends a chill down my spine. I killed him, I think. I'm the reason this child will never know his father. Tears burn the back of my eyelids and threaten to come out. I excuse myself as politely as I can and dart to the hallway to find an empty room before I lose control.

        I clamber down the hall, opening door after door to find a room that fits my fancy. I enter the third room that I try and curl up on the powder blue sofa. The ocean is visible through the wall that is made up of windows, and the crashing waves remind me of the Quarter Quell. With Finnick. Finnick, who died because of me. Who I would never be able to bring back. 

        On a small table by the sofa is a picture frame. Inside the frame is a wedding photo of Finnick and Annie, both looking happier than I have ever seen them before, than I would see them ever again. I hold the frame to my heart and fight back the tears. I told myself that I wouldn't lose it. Not today. Not here. 

        I put the frame back on the table just as I hear the door creak open behind me. Peeta, I think. Haymitch was right, I could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him. However, right now I just want to be alone. "Peeta," I tell him without even turning around, "I just want to be alone right now, okay?"

        "Join the club, brainless," a voice that does not belong to Peeta replies. I turn around and see Johanna Mason standing in the doorway. She's wearing a white sundress that looks like it belongs to a little girl and her brown hair is no longer spiked. It falls past her shoulders in soft ways. She looks unusually dainty and girlish. She smirks at me and takes a seat in the arm chair next to my sofa. "Too many bad memories?" she asks. 

        I nod. "I couldn't look at him. He has his eyes."

        "It's an uncanny resemblence," she agrees. 

        "What happened to you?" I ask bluntly. 

        "Oh, you mean this?" she raises an eyebrow, gesturing to her dress. "My therapist says that the outward appearance of a person represents the madness within. So he recommended that I start dressing like a sane person, and maybe then the flashbacks will stop."

        "You look like a pixie," I comment. 

        "I know. And if he thinks that the way to cure whatever it is that's wrong with me is by dressing differently, he obviously hasn't been through what we have."

        I nod in understanding. "I was wondering if it was just me."

        She shook her head. "It's every time I close my eyes. I haven't really slept in weeks."

        It never fails to surprise me how alike Johanna and I are. Back in Thirteen, we were even roomates for a while. We trained to fight in the revolution, and we almost fought together. I passed my final examination, but Johanna failed because her course got flooded and it gave her flashbacks of being tortured by the Capitol. Her hate for the Capitol has always been every bit as strong as mine. 

        "You might want to head back out there, Mockingjay," she sighs. "You won't get away with hiding out in here all day. There're too many people who want to see you. Me, on the other hand..." she trails off and gazes out the window, drearily. 

        She's probably right. I gather myself, get up, and head back out to the party. The crowd is as big as ever, and I suddenly wish I hadn't left Peeta. I would hate to have to face someone without him at my side. I push my way through the crowd, keeping my head down low but searching for him. 

        "Katniss?" A familiar voice calls to me. The sound of her voice brings even more memories back.

        My mother.