Osomatsu-san~ What if's?/ Headcannon's

'HA'What if you mixed him up with one of his brothers?

Osomatsu:

It's your average Sunday. Nothing too special is going on aside from the annual pre-Monday panic. I was walking down the street on my way to the grocery store when a familiar bowl-cut caught my eye in the local coffee shop. Saying I did a double take wouldn't be an over exaggeration.

'No way that idiot has a job. No way, no how, no what.' I shake my head while making my way towards the shop, the sign above says Subata.

'No way a fancy joint like this hired him.' I go in and the doorbell jingles. He turns my way with an uncannily charming smile.

"Welcome!" He smiles.

"Oso? The hell you are doing back there?" I ask and at the name his face shrinks in disgust.

"I'm sorry miss. My name is Todomatsu." He says. There's no way I'm buying it.

"Oh really? So, we're playing this game, huh." I cross my arms. If he wants to play then we'll play.

"Yes miss, now how can I help you today?" His patience grows obviously thin with the strained grin on his face.

"Yes, I would like a tall glass of honesty with a side of 'my boyfriend not behaving like a heapass' to go please." His jaw drops in shock and the doorbell rings from behind me.

"Oi! Totty did you-"I swerve around at the familiar voice.

"Osomatsu?!"

"Y/N?!"

I freeze in horror, look back to the cashier, then back at my soon-to-be-single boyfriend.

"You two better start explaining. Right. Now"

Karamatsu:

Today is the day. The day I finally get off my butt and do something with my life. Yeah? Yeah. I slip on my running shoes from high school, an old t-shirt, and some comfortable bermuda shorts. It's not the most attractive look to sport, but that's the aim. It's time to work out and not give up after ten minutes!

Eleven minutes in and I have finished my jog. It's been a long day, and my legs feel as if they've climbed the highest mountain top. They need to rest. I need to rest. A bench enters my line of sight and without thinking I plop myself next to the man sitting on it.

"Karamatsu?" I notice the familiar face. Oddly enough he's not sporting his usual jacket, but instead a purple hoodie. He stills at my call.

"Hello? Since when do you wear purple?" I wave my hand in front of his face, only then does he look my way.

"Uhhhh...."

"Uhm? You okay there buddy?"

"Brother! Who's this lovely lad-(Y/N)?!" A second Karamatsu enters the scene. Am I dehydrated? Am I dying? II pinch myself when they both look my way...nope.

"Kara what's...wait, did you just try to flirt with me without even knowing who I am?"

Karamatsu ran.

Choromatsu:

Sick days are best days. There's no better feeling than calling in your job and telling them that they must hold the fort down without you. The panic in the operators' voice as they realize they need to find a temporary replacement...it's pure bliss. Too bad my NEET of a boyfriend will never know this feeling. It's his loss honestly.

With a quick twitch of my fingers I have his number on speed dial. Not too long after he picks up with a 'Matsuno residence, what do ya want?'. The dialect concerns me for a moment; Choro is never this rude. It fades quickly when a cough raises in my throat.