Love and Lies

CHAPTER 13

Sorry for delay in update. Internet services were suspended from six months in Kashmir. I missed updating so much and i missed everyone! Let's hope we are not snatched of this privilege again anytime soon so that i can update more and more...
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Date: 29 Jan, 2020

I lumbered out of my room and looked around whilst descending the stairs. I hadn't seen my father from a week. Samar came to talk to me last night and although he doesn't hate me for what i did, there still was a hint of resentment in his tone. My Mother makes sure i don't go in front of my Father and every time she brings food for me, she makes sure to remind me of my atrocities.

I stepped into the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab some food. Whilst i was still looking for something to eat, i heard my Father's voice. He was in living room calling for Mom. I closed the fridge and unsteadily walked towards the source of voice.

He was sitting on a couch, immersed in newspaper. As he heard the sound of footsteps behind him, he spoke without lifting his eyes up from the paper.

"Please make me a cup of tea."

I stood there, watching him. Although it were just few weeks since i last saw him, he seemed way too older and i knew the reason of the tired look on his face. I left the room without answering and walked back into kitchen. I started making tea for him. Mom was not here. As a matter of fact, i didn't even know where she was. I turned on the stove and waited for tea to get ready. Whilst i waited, my mind drifted to thoughts which caused a stabbing pain in my chest.

I recalled my father's face. How happy was he for me yet he couldn't stop crying as the thought of i leaving the house was so scary for him. Now he wouldn't even look at me. Now he wished i was gone...really gone for good.

Wiping away the tears from the edges of my eyes, i filled the cup with tea and lumbered back into living room. It was hard for me to go in front of him and to see disappointment in his eyes, but i knew i have to.

Hands shaking a bit, i forwarded the cup towards him and when he turned to grab it, his hand froze in mid air. His eyes stayed glued on me. He pulled his hand away and looked away from me. He yelled mom's name again, ignoring me.

"She is not home." I interrupted. He stopped. Then tossing away the paper, he stood up to stride out of room. I hastily placed the cup on table and ran behind him and clasped his wrist.

"Please Dad. Don't do this. Don't look away from me. Yell at me...scold me but talk to me...please" I croaked and with my hand still gripping his wrist, i fell down on my knees. His back was still turned at me. He clenched his fists tightly and tried to jerk away my hand. But i didn't let go. I was adamant.

"Let go of my hand Samreen" He spoke calmly, yet his voice was icy and almost scary.

"No." I said, shaking my head sideways.

"I made a mistake, so punish me. But not this way. I am already alone and miserable Dad. Don't you abandon me too."

Slowly, he turned to me. He clutched my hand and released my grip on his.

"Your one mistake has ruined everything. Forgiving you is way beyond my ability. Your mistake has broken many hearts and it almost broke a very beautiful relationship. How do you expect me to forgive you? Have you forgiven yourself?"

A silence descended around us. He was right. How would he forgive me when i don't forgive myself? How would my father look at me when i can't look at myself in mirror? My hands fell limp on my sides. I looked down at floor, my vision blurred for tears cascaded down my face.