𝓪𝓷 𝓸𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓵𝓾𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓫𝔂 | 𝘥𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶

𝓍𝒾𝒾. 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇

A year ago, she had lost her mentor. Or, more precisely, she had killed him because he had asked her to. Cosmos-- her home, had fallen with him, and she had walked out the lone survivor, already having joined the Port Mafia while she reeled from having just inherited the title of Aries-- the head of Cosmos, and the ultimate survivor.

Surviving. It's all she has ever known to do. Every move was to ensure it. Every bad decision, every death and every drop of blood that stains her hands has been so she may live another day.

But she wasn't really living. Just surviving. Trying not to drown in the darkness around (within) her.

As December died out and gave way to a new year with new chances, she walked from one sinful path to another, differing only in name.

And yet, she thinks she might be learning how to swim a little better in her tragedy. Maybe she doesn't reek of death quite as much anymore. Maybe...she's allowed to hope.

"What are you thinking about?"

His voice brings a smile to her lips, and for a moment, she basks in the warmth he draws within her. It's a reminder-- her heart is beating, she is alive, and she is no longer alone.

"The past year," she responds, leaning into him when he wraps his arms around her waist, pressing the ghost of a kiss below her ear, taking advantage of his standing behind her.

Dazai hums, resting his chin on her shoulder as he regards the view offered by the rooftop of the Port Mafia headquarters, shivering slightly when a chilly gale blows over them. "Out in the cold?" The displeasure is evident in his voice and it makes her chuckle.

"You could always head back in," she points out, expecting the shake of his head which follows immediately, denying her offer as his hold on her tightens.

"It's boring without you," is all he says, and she accepts it, silence filling the air around them.

In this moment, she feels truly at peace. In his arms, in the quiet, she can close her eyes and pretend they are in better places where the fear of hurt is not so imminent and they can simply be. Despite the fear, however, she is content to stay like this.

Fear stems from having something to lose, and in a way, she thinks she should feel grateful. A year ago, she only had to fear for herself. She had been all she had left after all.

Now, she isn't alone anymore. She has Chuuya and Kouyou as friends, and she worries over Akutagawa and on most days, she can get by without further staining her hands even if it's unavoidable sometimes if she wants to maintain the respect she has earned with her obsidian reputation.

And she has Dazai Osamu-- a boy who reflects and fits into the empty parts of herself. The boy who could destroy her so easily if he so pleased but chooses to lay beside her in the moments between twilight and daybreak instead, their heartbeats falling in and out of sync. The boy who knows her like the back of his hand but claims to be forever enthralled by her. The boy who holds her heart, for better or for worse.

Dazai too has a dark past and an equally dark present. Some call him the devil incarnate for his lack of mercy and subsequent lack of remorse. He himself has whispered his sins to her when he thinks she is asleep, confessing that his darkness makes him undeserving but he is selfish enough to keep her for himself anyways.

Even after all this time, he doesn't fully understand what he means to her. With him, (Name) feels like she belongs. He feels like coming home, with all his darkness and scars that are mirrored in her too.

"I still do not like feeling breakable," she remarks, and in spite of his lack of prior motion, he stills further.

"No," Dazai agrees, watching as she turns to face him, "I don't imagine you do."

For a moment, she hesitates, but eventually shoots him a smile, wry and sincere and a little anxious. "But, now, I trust you not to break me. Willingly anyways."

Her candor has him smiling too-- a small quirk of his lips that is genuine and, therefore, one he has not mastered. Perhaps that is why, to escape from it, he kisses her quickly.

"I think," she begins. Pauses. "I think I'm okay with being vulnerable around you now."

Dazai looks uncharacteristically shocked, lips parted and eyes wide as he stares at her, letting her words and the implication sink in. She understand what her admission means to him, too. For once, he has something to fear for as well.

He has her. All of her. For better or for worse.

He's smiling again, and not for the first time she's struck by how beautiful he is. "Thank you," he whispers to her, words so quiet and caught in reverence, he may as well have uttered a prayer. He repeats the words again, murmuring them against her lips, fingers shaking ever so slightly as he holds onto her.

And she holds onto him too. Like he is her lifeline and her hope and her religion. Like he is the only one she will ever belong with.

They freeze time and spend an eternity in a moment, caught up in their own fragility and the rush of the reckless abandon with which they get tangled together, never thinking of parting.

It's only taken her this long to admit she has fallen for the tragedy.