just some sad Zadr one-shots

Dear Zim...

I still remember you. It's been months since I spoke to you. You were my best friend, my first love, but I was too afraid to ever tell you how I felt. Boys aren't meant to like other Boys, right? At least, that's what all those kids used to say, whenever they beat me to the floor and shattered all of my hope. But you made me feel again, you made me laugh, made my smile, but in the end you made me cry. I remember watching that smile flicker from your lips, I watched your face and body grow gaunt with every morsel of food you refused, I saw that glimmer of hope in your eyes fade into nothing. I watched you starve yourself, you decayed right in front of me. Then they took you away, the words they called you still echoing in my mind "Depressed"... "Sick"... "Anorexic". You were gone for so long, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I barely talked. I was sad all the time, worse than I had ever felt in my past. I had issues, but this made them so much worse. I cut myself to feel something, I was so sick of everyone leaving me, I was so sick of feeling empty. I needed you, but you didn't bother trying to get better, you couldn't see how much pain I was in because of you. In the end, you gave up. I remember getting that text, the text where you told me "Goodbye", and I ran to your house. I couldn't even breath, my heart was racing as I barged passed your dog who had let me into your house, he was oblivious to the fact his loved owner was dying. I broke down the bathroom door, where I found you lying in a pool of your pink blood, your wrists slit and a bottle of empty sleeping pills next to you. I fell to my knees beside you, I held your fragile, limp body in my arms as I begged you not to leave me, not again, through heavy tears and a choked voice. Then your dog found us, and he burst into tears. I'd never seen him cry that much, not like this. He called your tallest, and they took your body from my arms and into the ship. Your blood stained my sleeves, the distant look on your face will haunt me forever, I will never forget what happened. You left me. We tried to help you, but you left, just like everyone else in my life. I loved you so much, I wonder if I told you, maybe you would've stayed. I miss you, I'm nothing without you. I'm angry that you did this to me, you ruined my life, you put me through hell, only to leave me again. I wonder if there is an afterlife, and if you are looking down on me, regretting your decision. I hope you are, because I will be forever tormented by what you did. But at the same time I am grateful to have known you, you were different, so full of live and energetic. But it is clear to me my feelings never mattered to you, because even when I was down, you never asked if I was okay. I don't regret knowing you, or even being your friend, but I do regret loving you. Your robot miss you, your friends miss you, I miss you. I haven't loved anyone since, and I am afraid to, because despite your death, I am still in love with your memory. And now I am writing this in our diary, having visited your grave a day before, the tombstone reading "Beloved soldier and friend", which doesn't give you the credit you deserve. I am writing this so everyone will know my struggle, and know that some people cannot be saved, no matter how hard you try. They just want to die.I miss you, I love you and I wish I had told you that when you were alive. I need to get over you, but I don't think I can. Goodbye, my love, I hope you are happy, wherever you are.
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Welcome to this one-shots hope you like it!