The Assassin's Assistant

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

People confuse me.

I took a sip of my coffee and stared blankly at Jason. His eyes were full of horror, and he stood tense and rigid, as if I would kill him at any moment. “You got me decaf.” I said simply.

Jason took a stifled breath. “You’re disgusting,” he blurted out. It was like placing down a bomb in me between us, seeing who blew up first.

“I didn’t know that wanting caffeine made me disgusting. You’ll have to excuse me.” It wasn’t until my sentence was finished that I realized that my voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Tick.

“You know exactly what I mean.” He glared at me pointedly. “I’m talking about that sick little hole in your non-existent heart that you fill with pretty things! I don’t care if you were homeless. You’re fine now, and yet you still kill people. It’s inhuman. It’s horrible.”

Tick.

“I see we’re being blunt,” I said, putting my coffee down on the nearest box. “Look, I think you have the wrong impression of me.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “Oh do I now? Because I think I already know more about you than I’d like to.”

I stampped my foot. “Stop! Stop playing this game! Do you think I’m proud of what I do? Huh?”

Tick, Tick.

Jason grit his teeth and shook his head. “I’m doing this because I have no other option. You could’ve stopped a year ago but you didn’t! Even worse, you can just kill somebody and not think twice! You have no excuse.”

Boom.

I didn’t know how to reply, so I said, “You’re right.” This wasn’t the response that Jason had expected. He took a deep breath. His mouth stayed in a scowl, but his eyes shone with satisfaction. This made me lose it. “Yeah, I guess I’m some sort of stone cold freak,” I said. My vision fogged with tears. I didn’t realize how much his words hurt me. “Do you want to know why I haven’t quit yet? Because I don’t know what else I’d do! I don’t have any other skills! I’ve missed so many days of school I might as well have not gone at all, as ‘Britt’ has told me only a million times!” I stepped closer so that we were inches apart. “It’s because I’m scum, just like you’ve said. It’s because I know the minute I walk away, I’ll be right back on the doorstep of the shelter. I guess becoming numb to it all was my only defense.” I choked out a sob. “So go ahead and rub it in.”

Jason didn’t move. He stood so still, you could’ve thought that he was a mannequin. A tear unwillingly rolled down my cheek. It was obvious that he had been prepared to chew me out and yell some more, but this had caught him off guard. He wasn’t expecting the cold blooded killer to break down. He didn’t think I was human. To Jason, I was just an animal.

I could tell that he was about to say something, but I picked up my coffee and threw the cup at my glass window. The foam cup exploded against the glass in a shower of brown. I then stormed right past Jason and out the door. I walked down the hall, whisking right by Brittany. She let out a confused shout, but I didn’t stop. I stomped right down the hall to the emergency stairs. A sign clearly read that the emergency alarm would go off when this was opened. I didn’t care.  I pushed against the door and entered the stairwell, not bothering to close the door behind me. My ears were assaulted with relentless sirens. I walked down a few flights, and then crumpled on the stairs, leaning my head against the wall.

After ten minutes, the sirens subsided when they realized that there was no emergency. This only made things worse. The silence allowed my thoughts to begin eating away at me again. My head was turning. I had never given a second thought to any of the victims that I helped Brittany with, but since Jason had brought it up, it was all that I could think about. I didn’t feel guilty, of course. I was worried that I didn’t feel guilty. I’ve taken endless lives and have no problem with it. I remember when I was younger - when I was still Audrey – before I ran away, I had cried because I saw a dead bird on the street. That death didn’t even have anything to do with me. Now, I’ve been at least partially responsible for countless amounts of deaths, and I don’t care. Or I didn’t, until now.