Different (bxb)

22. Speechless

I still can't believe it. Max says he'll call me back, but all I can do is nod, speechless. I really want to react. To say something. I know I'm stupidly in love with Max but I can't say it. It's too sudden and my brain has shut off from the surdose of emotions. Sometimes, to stop feeling is the only way I can react. I should be jumping out of joy. I should be kissing the guy.

Quickly, I realize as I watch his back fade away that he must be worried to death. I text him that I'll give him an answer soon, that I just can't process the information right now, before shutting my phone off and sliding it in my pocket.

I get home with the very strong intent to lay on my bed until the sun sets, then to cry myself to sleep. I'm simply exhausted. I didn't need Nick to be sitting on the very bed I was thinking about when I got in.

"Hey", he mutters.

My whole body stiffens at the sound of his voice. My emotions are slowly rising only to be shut off again by my overcharged brain. I go and sit next to him, still unable to speak. I wait for what seems like an eternity until Nick breaks the silence. His voice sounds robotic, as if he rehearsed his speech in his head for hours and hours. Yet, through his shaking voice, I recognize every word to be meant.

"I don't get you", he says, earning a wondering glare from me. I stay silent, my eyes stuck on my fidgeting hands.

"One minute you speak so much that I can't hear my own thoughts, only for you to stay mute the following hour. Either you don't talk at all, either you're too blunt and end up embarrassing yourself. And your smile is so bright, so sincere, yet you won't show it to anyone but a few lucky chosen ones. You never ever laugh in public, yet you're so translucent when you're next to me. You're also such a pain that it's sometimes hard being around you, still I can't help but stay by your side no matter how grumpy of a face you may put up. You've got that poetic charm, that desire to see the beauty in every single stupid thing, yet you hate the cold and get moody when a single droplet of water overflows from the clouds. You're so simple, yet so hard to get. I want to know everything I could learn about you, but I'm always wondering why I know so much already. Why I pay so much attention to everything you do. Why I feel the need to hold your hand just to feel like I finally belong somewhere."

Please. Please don't say it, I think before I hear him say exactly what I feared: "Ollie, I... I think I'm in love with you."

But he's too late. A month ago I would have jumped out of joy. My tears are sealed, I can't understand the situation in my present state. I mutter a quick I'm sorry under his uncomprehensive glare. He seems at a loss and I can't take it. I rise, walking to the door.

One last glimpse behind and I run away.

_____

Is this even a surprise to anyone? You can't say you're not gay, kiss a girl and expect Ollie to still like you back, can you? (Don't worry Nick, you're still one of my babies and I love you ♡♡♡)