I just want you to be happy

First and Last part

It was dark outside when he reached the building, the one wich once had belonged to his family. He sighed bitterly when he saw the name on the side: Palmer Technologies.

He walked through the familiar glass doors and looked around in the loft. How many times had Tommy and him run across the room when they were young, he felt as if it happened in another life. He stalked quickly towards the elevators and held his breath while he waited for the elevator doors to close.

On the way upstairs he nervously wiped his palms on his jeans while he tried to think through what he'd say to Felicity. Diggle said he need to be honest about his feelings. Honest is the key word here. He never had any trouble with it when it was related to her but now he knew if he was going to be honest then he wouldn't let her go. He would tell her he couldn't live with the knowledge that she moved on with her life.

Of course he didn't want her to wait for him forever. But it killed him slowly, his chest tightened every time he imagined her with Palmer. What would her dress be like that time? Would her hair cascade down her back like it was on their one and only date?

When she asked for the night off he barely managed to breath and say the words that hurt him way more than his five years on Lian Yu. He couldn't fake well the astonishment and the pain and he saw that she noticed it. She could read him so well it scared him to his bones.

The ding of the elevator pulled him back from his thoughts. The simple thought of her made him smile as he walked towards the door that led to Felicity, although he still didn't know what to say. He felt his heartbeat quicken when he saw her through the glass walls of her office. She was sitting at her desk and was staring out the window. She seemed to be deep in her thoughtsm she furrowed her browes and chewed on her bottom lip. Damn the consequences he is going to tell her he loves her. She would understand him, as always and they would be able to get to a not-so-normal relationship. He wanted her to be happy and if the sight in front of him was any indication, now she wasn't happy.

"Hey" he said and cleared his throat to desguised his nervousness. She jumped up as his soft voice cut through the silence.

"Oliver, is everything alright? Does anybody hurt? What happened?" she jumped up from her chair and hurried towards him. Her eyes went wide as she saw his flustered expression and that he didn't look at her. She reached for his arm but at the last time she changed her mind and clasped her hands in front of her middle.

"Nothing, actually I came here to see you." he looked up from the floor and immediatelly lost in her blue eyes. "We need to talk. I mean I need to talk to you and I need you to listen to me." he looked out the window for a moment to collect his words and then his gaze returned to her face. "Look, I know that lately we haven't been on the same page and we have this... something between us but I just want you to know... Diggle told me something and I realized-" he stuttered, words tumbling out of his mouth in a mess and when he saw the confusion on her face he stopped abruptly and looked at her helplessly.

"What do you need me to know? Are you okay? I think during our nearly three years together I haven't heard you speak this lot and in this pace. Usually I'm the one with a babbling-issue. Take a deep breath and start at the beginning." she smiled as she remembered his words from some weeks before and it doesn't left her attention that Oliver unconsciously mimiced her.

"I love you, Felicity." he blurted out and regretted it immediatelly as her face scrunched up in pain. "I know that you are moving on with your life and now I don't have the right to say this to you, I had my chance two months ago but I need to tell you this before it's too late." he turned his gaze down, couldn't bear the emotions whirling in her deep blue eyes.

"I hurt you a lot. God, Felicity I broke your heart with every decision I've made, I've never been able to imagine how could you love me. I am a killer, destroyed inside. I have family issues and PTSD and I hurt those who I love the most." he felt again the familiar tightness in his chest, his mouth dried and his voice was so soft and emotional he didn't know if she heard anything from his speech.

He stepped closer to her, their shoes were almost touching. "I just... I just want you to be happy. It doesn't matter if it happens with me or without me." he tentatively touched her hand and felt relief filled his lung when she didn't pull back.

But then she yanked back her hand as if he burned it. She backed to her desk, run her hands through her hair as she stared up at him with tears in her eyes. But those weren't happy teares and it scared Oliver even more.

"You... asshole! Do you know how many nights did I spend at home waiting for you to look at me like you looked at other women? Do you know how much I cried over you and your stupid way of thinking? How I felt after Russia? Or when Sara returned? I was there for you every time you needed someone! After the Undertaking, Slade's attack, damn it during every single mission I was there helping you and when you came home I was the one who patched you up and called you out on your lack of carefulness." she took a deep breath to bring new force in her voice while Oliver avoided her ice cold and hurt gaze.

"I sacraficed my life for you, I let you destroying everything I had been working for in my entire life and what did you say? Nothing." she breathed out the last word with a crack in her voice that made Oliver cringe. She wiped her eyes and turned her gaze to his again. "I hate you, Oliver Queen. But I hate myself even more because I can't stop loving you."

They stared at each other wide-eyed for a long moment. Felicity pressed her hands to her mouth, mortified what she admitted to him. In a few seconds she said she hated him and that she loved him. In one sentence! She opened her mouth to say something that broke the heavy silence between them but no word came out.

Oliver's hands were itching to touch her but he saw that it wouldn't have helped the situation so he showed his fists deep in the pockets of his jacket. He wanted to say so much more but before he could started a new voice startled both of them.

"Ah, Felicity, I hoped I can talk to you before you head home because I need to take back the necklace but... I came at the wrong moment, right?" Ray stopped abruptly at the door, looked at her and then shifted his gaze to Oliver. Felicity wiped her face one last time and took off the necklace without a word or a look towards Oliver.

"Are you okay? I can show him out if you want me to." Ray said worriedly and gestured towards her still watery eyes.

"No, we just need a moment alone. I'll see you tomorrow." Felicity led him out the room and turned back to Oliver who was now looking out the window again. He looked exhousted with his shoulders slamped and his head dropped.

She stepped tentatively beside him and touched his hand. She felt him relax at her light touch and as he turned his head to her she smiled at him softly. When he returned it and stared at her eyes with a turmoil of emotions in his owns she couldn't stand to touch his cheek with her other hand.

Oliver slowly leaned down at the same time Felicity stepped on her tiptoes and when their lips touched time stopped. Felicity tilted her head to deepen the kiss and held onto his jacket to pull him incredibly close. Oliver held the back of her head and wrapped his other arm securely around her waist. It seemed they couldn't let go of each other but after some long minutes they separated, only their foreheads touching.

They stood there for a long minute, drinking in each other's sight. Finally Oliver squeezed her hand and smiled a little wider. "Let's go home." she said with a matching grin and started walking out of her office with him right behind her back. And they held hands for the entire drive to Felicity's house.