COURSE CORRECT

Module 3 - Destination Higher Self

"Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe." – Oprah Winfrey

Think of your Higher Self as the center of your compass rose - we spend much of our lives running around the outer track or sticking to just one heading. All lines lead inward to our center, the best in us, our Higher Self.

I wasn't living in alignment with my Higher Self and that's what led to this program. After years of feeling like my feet were clamped in a plaster of my own making, I wanted to free myself. This was a phoenix moment and I had to be radical enough to burn before I could rise up and be who I was always meant to become.

So why did I feel so conflicted about it?

Every day was a fight with myself between should and wants.

Why?

I once complained to a therapist that I often felt there were competing voices in my head, each with their own agenda. I would say I wanted one thing, and an equally strong voice would assert that what it wanted was the exact opposite. I felt like The World Championship of Debaters raged in my head. Was I crazy? Did everyone mentally shadowbox with different parts of themselves?

At one point in my life, I was a housewife and a mother to young kids. My inner Martha Stewart was running amok with her perfectionism and it was making me (and most of the people around me) absolutely crazy. That wasn't really who I wanted to be, so why was I engaging in rampant nitpicking when I wanted to let go and ease up and just be myself?

My therapist said, "We can think of our psyches as having a few voices, much like a boardroom in a company. All the disparate parts of us have a say, an agenda, and have something at stake. Each want their input and desires to be heard, to be important to the whole."

It was an image I never forgot, probably because it felt so true.

Sitting around the big conference table in my head were a motley cast of characters. I'll introduce you to some of the key power players: Hopefully, this will get you to see that we all have conflicting voices with different wants and needs. It doesn't make you crazy. It makes you human. That's why it's so hard sometimes—we either don't know who to listen to or are giving all of our power to the wrong voice.

My inner-child

(Usually around the age of trauma or woundedness.) In my case, she's very young and suffers from fear of abandonment, pain from neglect, and a huge certainty that she's not worthy of love. She doesn't speak much but presses out with her feelings like a superpower and has infused many of our choices with her massive fears.

My inner-man

To say I'm in touch with my masculine side is probably an understatement. I'm an INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging – Myers-Briggs) to a fault and have a very unemotional, distancing, definite, pragmatic side that:

a) Loves to man-splain things even though I'm a woman

b) Loves for other people to back the hell off cause I'll take care of it my dang self.

My Inner Martha

She's the voice that runs me ragged trying to prove myself through perfectionism. (Sorry to the real Martha if this is offensive but if I ever want to know how to loom my own monogrammed entry mat with fuzz I harvested from my own alpaca, you're my go-to.) A harsh taskmaster, she assigns certain chores on certain days and doesn't like excuses or throw blankets that aren't folded. She has a certain image to uphold and it's a castle built on the back of the Inner-Child's sense of unworthiness.