Is This Home?

Chapter 1

Chapter 1. A New Beginning

Vic's POV

I don't know how I got here. Well, yes technically I do, but I don't know how I got here. I don't understand why Kellin didn't fight harder or try harder. I wanted him to stay so badly. I wished he had. I suppose I can't blame him for my own behavior, I treated him terribly and he deserved better, but I couldn't help it that I literally didn't remember him. It was a feeling I wouldn't even know how to describe. I knew who he was and I remembered most of our dates and encounters but all I remember from them is us being fuck buddies, not boyfriends. You can understand the confusion I had when Kellin comes barging in and demands us to be together again, honestly, I think his determination is what made me a little sick and tired of him in the end.

However, 1 year and 6 months ago, everything came back. It was like I was dreaming and then suddenly someone pumped all these memories back into my brain, it made my head hurt a little honestly. It felt weird having all these feelings come back to me, part of me debated on ever finding Kellin again, I mean, it had been 6 months since the last time I saw him when my memories returned. For all I knew he had moved on, I know I did. Unfortunately for me though I had to break off every relationship I had once the memories did in fact return, I couldn't get Kellin out of my head. It was as if my feelings for him were just as strong as they were the second I jumped in front of him trying to save his life that day.

"Harvard University" The loud croaky bus driver shouted.

My heart skipped a beat as I heard the words, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wasn't entirely sure what the hell I was doing here, I don't even know why I decided to come. I guess it was mostly the fact Mike had finally graduated so he wasn't relying on me anymore, plus that Kellin was all I could think about. Believe me, I tried to move on, I had over a year to move on, I tried hooking up with guys that looked like Kellin thinking it would satisfy my lust for him but all it did was end up in awkward sex with me calling them Kellin mid thrust, needless to say those relationships didn't last long. Then for a little while I even tried being with a girl, we didn't even kiss though, women aren't for me.

The bus came to an abrupt halt, signaling we were finally here. I grabbed my backpack off the overhead shelf and shuffled out of the bus with a few other people. Everyone else on the bus looked like they belonged here, some of them were even wearing t-shirts with the schools' name on it, so I guess not everyone here was new. I thanked the bus driver briefly as I passed by her and stepped out of the bus onto the campus. Looking in front of me, I knew I was way over my head. I didn't even know if what I was doing was legal, I mean not that that has stopped me before, but can you even just walk up to the administration and ask for someones' where about? Probably not, but I'm still going to try.

There was a tour guide waiting for people off the bus so I migrated over to it, hoping for some light to be shed on the campus. I ease dropped in on one of the conversations the guide was having with another student to be, waiting for a clue on where I should be. Luckily though, I didn't have to wait around because another tour guide walked beside us, shouting they were heading to administration. I promptly swung my backpack over my shoulder and scurried behind them, walking into one of the buildings. There was a really long line up almost leading out the door and I audibly sighed loudly by accident. The short girl in front of me turned back with an annoyed expression from my arrival behind her, but upon seeing my face her expression softened and her eyes flicked up and down before she turned her head straight again. Do girls really think they're subtle when they do that?

The line moved quickly, thankfully, and the short girl didn't turn back around so I didn't have to make small talk with anyone. The brief thought that this was a mistake washed over me. What if Kellin wasn't even here anymore? For all I know, he could have dropped out, which although unlikely, Kellin could be a whole different person now. What if he joined a gang? Maybe he's dead? I shook my head from the thought, not wanting to think about the negative possibilities. I wasn't even entirely sure why I was here, was it for closure or did I really want Kellin back? He is the first guy I've ever fallen so hard for. I've never come close to love but the way I feel about him sure is special. At least, the way I felt about him was. These feelings could be for another Kellin that doesn't even exist anymore, Kellin might have grown into someone different.