Rage and Love: The Story of My Life

Chapter 11: Sadness And Stepdads

Mike and Billie had been dropped off at home by Alan. Mike walked up the driveway but noticed that Billie was frozen. "What's wrong?" He asked, knowing Billie sometimes did this when he was lost or confused. Billie pointed a finger to a truck which was parked on his driveway. It was then that Mike noticed the truck as being odd.

He never really was one for taking in and understanding his surroundings.

"Who's truck is that?" Mike asked at the same time as Billie thought it.
"If I knew that, don't you think I would tell you?" Billie replied, and Mike gave a shrug back. Heck if he knew, he'd always say.

The pair made their way to the door and went inside, only to be greeted by a vicious looking Rottweiler. Billie flinched away from it, hiding behind Mike, as Mike stuck his hand out in a greeting. The dog sniffed his hand and then looked up at him, as if expecting Mike had brought him food. When he discovered nothing, the dog sauntered off and Billie breathed out. A man that was at least 6 foot strolled over and introduced himself as Brad. He was Ollie's new boyfriend and he lived here now. Billie was to live by his rules.

Billie shrank away from the tall figure, a bad feeling swimming around in his stomach. He did not like this character at all.

A few hours later, Brad interrupted Mike and Billie's jamming session with a "Billie Joe, time to say goodbye to your friend."

Billie had frowned, insisting Mike always stayed for dinner. He of course didn't mention that Mike always stayed for dinner otherwise he didn't get any dinner.

Brad had basically pushed Mike out of the door. And now Billie was alone.

The conversation at dinner was silence despite all 5 of his siblings being there to meet Brad, plus Ollie. Slowly his siblings cleared off but Billie hung back, always slow at eating food. And Brad had insisted Billie consumed every last bit.

He forced his food down despite his body telling him he was full, staring at the table instead of up, because he knew that Brad was watching him. Ollie stood and kissed Billie goodbye, going off to work her night shift like usual. But tonight was different, Billie did not feel safe. He wanted someone, anyone, just to stay with him so that he didn't have to be alone with someone like Brad who already made him uncomfortable.

"Clean up after us." Brad barked, and Billie stood straight up, stacking the dishes up and carrying them to the sink, trying to make it not obvious that they were clinking together because his hands were shaking. He dumped them in the sink and cleaned them quickly, just wanting to be away and in his room. He could feel eyes on him and the only person in the room was Brad.

He dried them off and flinched as the chair squeaked and he suddenly felt Brad next to him, who then ran his finger along the plates, pausing at a stain on one of the them, growling. "I said clean."

Billie went to speak but was interrupted by the sharp sting of a slap across his face. "Clean them!" Billie hurriedly scooped the plates back into the sink, cleaning them and drying them thoroughly until they squeaked. "Put them away then get out of my sight." Brad snarled.

Billie did just that, and quickly, before running up the stairs to the bathroom, sitting by the toilet, as he threw up all the food his body hadn't wanted in the first place and had totally rejected out of fear and anxiety.

He cleaned his teeth and dragged himself to his room, changing into sweatpants and climbing into bed, wrapping himself up. When he was sure no one was listening, he cried.

He cried for the pain of his face and the pain of betrayal from his Mother. Why did she want him?

He cried for Mike, knowing that he was probably feeling like this too, cold and alone, and always hungry.

Then he cried for his dad, who never ever laid a finger on him and never would.