patient • chensung

18 • but i never thought

i don't even know where i'm going with this story atp
it's really incohesive and i'm like losing motivation to continue with it but ykw i'll see how far i can continue it cause i've low-key forgotten my own plans for this.

oh well! hope you enjoy 😃

•••

Eventually, he just gave into the stream of tears that began to trickle down his cheeks, doubling over as he crouched on the floor in an attempt to hide them. Chenle typically was happy, he really was but now too much was catching up to him, and he couldn't deal with it all. He was disappointed in himself, how could he be a doctor and care for other people of he couldn't handle his own thoughts and feelings?

"You're not on your own," Jisung repeated, coming to level with his doctor, raising a hand hesitantly, and then letting it fall gently onto his back. He let it run over his spine back and forth, remembering what Chenle would do to comfort him.

"Ji- I just- I don't even know what I want right now either, it's too much-" the older broke off into a large inhale; suddenly he felt like the oxygen around him was running out and he was desperately trying to take in what he could, but it felt fruitless when his breath started hitching, each breath shorter and quicker than the last.

Jisung brought his other arm up, encasing the other in an embrace, bringing him as close as humanly possible until they were chest to chest, his hand bringing Chenle's head to rest on his shoulder as he stroked his hair gently. The boy might be crazy, but he's had enough panic attacks to recongise when someone else is experiencing the same thing. Admittedly, he'd never helped someone get through it so he was a bit lost in that department, but he thought back to what he tended to need most when he was going through it. Which was what he did now, locking the chinese in tightly so that he felt secure and supported.

"Deeper and slower breaths, Chenle, can you hear me?"

No verbal response, however the younger did start to feel less frequent chest rises, and more controlled puffs of air exhaled by the other, and Jisung pressed kisses to the top of his head in hope to give him more security, grounding him.

It might've been five or ten minutes before Chenle pulled away, reddened eyes meeting boba ones. They diverted quickly to the ground beneath them, his arms returning to his sides as he mumbled a "Thank you, you shouldn't have had to see that."

Jisung rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and I shouldn't have sliced your throat with a knife," he quipped back, clutching pikachu to his chest.

This evoked some kind of strangled laugh from within the chinese, quickly coughing soon after to cover it up. "I'm being serious, I just need some time to figure out what is going on."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Chenle thought to himself for a while. Did he want to confide in him about it? It wasn't like he would be disclosing some other patient's information to him, so it wasn't prohibited, per say, but for some reason his gut feeling was telling him not to. He wasn't sure why.

So he shook his head. "I think we should just go back to the hospital. It's getting colder out here."

Jisung frowned. He could tell that there was something bothering the other boy, but he wasn't willing to say.

It's because he doesn't trust you.

Why would he tell somebody he's just going to leave in the end?

The voices started growing louder and louder as they made their way back home, and Jisung was trying to shut them away to the best of his abilities- he didn't want to make Chenle get them away for him since he clearly had enough on his plate.