Take Two

2. Hailey

"I am so sorry, Hailey, I-I.." Sebastian slumped on his chair with his head between his hands while I sat there unmoving, like a statue. I forgot how to blink or even breathe. It took me another few seconds to register his words.

"You... are ...kidding ....right?" My words came out as a whisper.

"I wish I were.." He got up from the seat again and started pacing around the room. "I never thought it would be this painful to break such news to my baby sister. I never imagined it even in my worst nightmares. It's cruel; it's just too cruel!"

"I...can't be treated?"

"We could try operating on it. But I won't lie to you. Chances of survival are bleak."

"What's the probability?"

"Less than one per cent."

I registered the figure in my brain. If it had been one of my projects, I would have shot out any idea that had any chances of less than eighty per cent of success. My logical brain got to work.

Six months to live if I don't operate now. Probably around forty more years if I survive with a probability of less than one per cent. Ten per cent of forty would be four.. one per cent is point four multiplied by twelve months... on an average less than five months to live. Five months vs six, I know the answer.

I broke out into a fit of laughter. I laughed harder, louder, holding my stomach. I couldn't believe myself. Even at the lowest point of my life, all that I was relying on was numbers, probabilities, averages. I couldn't believe how my work had shaped my brain, shaped me. It had become my personality. I did that all so naturally. I didn't even stop to think about it. The numbers, the arithmetic, it all happened so automatically.

My laughter slowly moulded itself into a soft whimpering, and a moment later, I burst out into tears.

"Oh, Hails..." Sebastian wrapped me up in his arms and softly stroked my hair.

I mindlessly walked out of the hospital. I didn't board the taxi my brother called for me, and just trailed ahead on the footpath, lost in my thoughts. It got darker as the black clouds covered the sky, and later it started raining. But the cold drops didn't seem to affect me; I already felt too cold inside. My clothes, my hair, my face, they were all dripping with the water, and they helped me hide the tears that had started flowing down. I slid down on the pathway, with my back to the wall behind me. I watched as the people ran on the streets with their hands on their heads, covering themselves. Everyone seemed to be running; everything seemed to be moving too fast. Time was running away too quickly, way too soon for me. I hid my head between my knees and broke down.

A few minutes or hours passed. I hadn't kept track of the time, but suddenly I felt a little warm. The cold raindrops weren't hitting me anymore.

Did it stop raining? But I can still hear the raindrops at a distance.

I raised my head and was met with a pair of innocent but beautiful sapphire-coloured eyes, staring back at me with a questioning look.

"Are you alright? Do you want an umbrella?"

Her concern and innocence brought a faint smile to my lips. For a moment, I forgot about my battles.

"What's your name, dear?" I asked.

"Carwyn. Do you need some help?"

Nobody had ever asked me that before; if I needed help. Thus, I never asked for it. I wanted to do everything on my own and prove myself. I stared at her, and she stared back at me in confusion, and that was when I realised the tears had started streaming down my face again. I couldn't speak past the lump in my throat.