Mother 3: Pig King on the Gum (Shitpost Mother 3)

Preface: Guitar Day

Ok so you're a thing.
You've got blonde hair. And a shirt.  Look like Ness? Nah, fuck it. You're Lucas.
That's Claus he's ginger and shipped with dead things. Little does he know he's a dead thing.
There's Flint, he has got a gun, and able to set things on Fire.  He must be good with fire huh.  He has a long wooden beam he hits things with. Like his wife.
Said wife is named Hinawa. She's Japanese or something. She also has a gun. And a bird. I wonder if she shoots birds.
Wait, who am I? Lucas. I'm Lucas. There's the dog, his names dog.
No it's not, it's named Boner- I mean Boney. He is useless so we get to name him.
What's your favorite food? Eggs. Specifically, Moms.
Favorite thing? Love, you're gay. And shy. You're a sub. Not for Ness though.
Text box flavours go nut you like nut.
Okay now you can finally live.

I woke up in a bed with Claus just going "Wake up, Lucas, there are dragos. They're cuter than you are get up dammit." I get up, ready to choke my brother but he's gone. Moms downstairs she says "Lucas don't kill your brother that's later." Okay Mommy, so I rammed into her and she let me have a nut. That's pretty hot, Mom.

Let's go outside, Gramps is out there. He's old so I ignore him. I see chickens. And pigs. It's a sign. The chicken mask army. Holy shit. Where the fuck is Claus I need to warn him. "Claus!" I scream. "I need to warn you."

Why is Claus ramming himself into a Drago I didn't know he was gay too. Lucky fucker. "Claus" I said. "Stop doing that."

He decides to be a dick and push me down. "No I like this. Ask politely for a fucking turn." I sigh and get up, this time asking. "May I please have a fucking turn."

Claus grins. But it's clearly smug. Smug like the weird anime's he watched on the beach. Whatever they are. Gramps runs over, he's probably concerned for me and my brother. "Lu-Claus! You pushed your brother down!" He begins. "Fucking apologize or I'll throw you onto the grass too."
Claus defiantly crossed his arms and turned away. Then I hear him land on the grass. I cannot help but laugh. Then I feel a thing nip my precious behind. "CLAUS WHAT THE FUCK" I cry, but then notice that he's equally shocked. For the ass eater came from beneath the ground. It's a mole cricket. Whoop. "Hey I was eating that" the cricket said, ready to bite my leg. Then Claus got up and sat on the cricket. "If you stare I swear to God Lucas." He mumbled, pulling down his shorts. And he fucking shat on the cricket.

Which then ran away, crying that "I'm not a dung beeeet" but was interrupted by a squish. Oh, Moms here. "Claus put your shorts on that's not decent if you." She ordered. Claus obeyed. I look at him again, snickering. "Now you two have to eat because it's clearly still daylight and it's gonna be bedtime soon."

Okay. I go home, and slam my head into the table. I usually do this, not because of Mom. Just because my brother. I hear Mom though, saying like "go to sleep we have to go home" and I guess I have to oblige. So I got up, and took the bed, hiding in the covers. Usually, Claus would jump onto the bed, on and off, usually if I'm on it. Covers probably soften that. I'll never know, for I'm sleeping now.