Interlude Of My Twenties

001

The best years of my life were between nine and sixteen. Namjoon was in my life during those years and that was when I said my first and final words to him. My teenage years are years I can never get back no matter how hard I try, I know this but yet even as a twenty-three-year-old I still have child-like wishes.  Sometimes I wonder if he remembers me, sometimes I question if he ever felt how I felt and yet whenever I wonder this I can never get a clear answer. I know it's probably time for me to move on but I can't. Maybe it's unhealthy and maybe it's obsessive but here I am twenty-three years old on a plane flying back to South Korea with hopes of getting closure.   

So, Grabbing my carry on I placed it on the seat next to me and gazed through the window feeling Confused, hopeful yet hopeless, and free.  

Interrupting me I got tapped on the shoulder by a man.

"Is this your bag? Can you move it please?"

Oh, yeah I'm sorry I'll move it right now." I awkwardly chuckle.

He's wearing a face mask and glasses but I can still see his eyes. They are beautiful and look warm and comforting. I find myself wanting to stare at him but resist the urge and continue to gaze out the window. 

For my age, most people would assume that I am mature and make rational decisions, however, I can assure you that paying for a plane ticket and getting on a plane with a vague idea of what you're going to be doing in another country while also having plane anxiety is not a rational decision. I continued looking out the window at the night sky hoping to relieve some anxiety by focusing on the sound of the rain, not realizing that I was bouncing my legs up and down.

"Nervous?" I hear the man next to me ask.

Turning to the direction of the voice I reply.  "Just a little. Is it that obvious?" 

"Just a little," he replied half smiling. 

"So, what's making you get on a plane alone if you don't mind me asking?"

"Ah, that's a good question. I'm trying to find someone or just get them back. I'm not sure." I awkwardly chuckle. "What about you?"

"Same as you." He says.

"Ah, my name is Choi Jae-Rin. What about you?"

"You can call me RM