Chapter 5: Regrets

53 4 0
                                    

There aren't many times that I am the one in the room left completely and utterly confused. Normally, I am the guy who has it all together; I've run through the facts, I have studied the outcome and I know exactly (or close to it in most situations) how the result will play out. Being an architect will do that to you-you start to notice the beauty in the details.

I never once imagined that she would walk away from me.

Standing at the Chinese restaurant I was left confused. "Do I chase her?" "Explain to her what the misunderstanding was?" "Will I see her again?" "Have I completely messed up this situation?" The list of questions was endless and I noticed that I probably was sitting for over two minutes- she was probably already halfway home. I just couldn't shake the underlying feeling that something important was slipping away. I immediately ran out of the restaurant in an attempt to find her....I began running my hands in my hair with frustration looking all over the block.

But she was already gone. I sat in the rain scanning over several faces before I unwillingly walked back to the restaurant to gather my things to go home.

I couldn't get out fast enough. I couldn't tell if my face was wet from rain or tears, but I immediately felt extremely stupid for even spending my evening with Jonah. Pushing myself through the large NYC crowds it seemed like every single pair of eyes were on me. I stopped about halfway down the block and turned towards the restaurant. "Why didn't he come running after me?" I let the question sink in as deep down in the pit of my stomach- I seemed to already know the answer. I tried to slow my breathing and let the cool air calm me down, But My knees suddenly became weak. I looked at a large crowd leaving a taxi drop off and flagged down the driver. I needed to get out of there fast.

Taking a second to take in the day I began to sit and contemplate my embarrassing evening. There was no way I could be seeing him again. Just then a new feeling came into the pit of my stomach; an uneasiness that somehow made me feel like I let go of something that may have been special. I put my wireless headphones in my purse and connected it into my phone-drowning out any other thoughts for the rest of the ride home.

Chasing Joy: And all things that MatterWhere stories live. Discover now