Convergent

Chapter 9 Tris

I don't know where I'm going, but I can't stay in the Bureau. I have to, Mathew still has to make sure I don't die again.

But not right now.

I find Amar in the same office Mathew works in. "Hey Tris! How's everything going?" He says. "It's fine, but I need a car," I say. He furrows his eyebrows, "I don't know, Tris. You can't leave until the week is up,"

"Just for tonight," I say, "I just need some air." He looks at me for a few seconds, "Okay," he pulls out the keys, "But do you even know how to drive?" No. I've never driven before, but he can't know that. I grab the keys "I'll be careful," I say. "Promise."

I take the long way. Out the back, and around the perimeter, to the front. The number on the key says 46, and think of Tobias. We were Four and Six.

I find truck 46 and start it. How hard can this be? I put the car in reverse, and start backing out. It takes me a good fifteen minutes just to get out of the gate, but once that's done, all I have to do is drive straight. And I do. Driving isn't too bad, I just have to make sure I don't get too comfortable, because it seems that my foot just likes to easy into the gas pedal, then after five minutes of going 90mph, I realize I need to slow down. I don't know when I am, I'm just going straight. It looks like I'm on an abandoned freeway. No cars. No trucks. Nothing. Perfect to just sit and think.

Earlier today, before I left my appointment with Mathew he gave me a phone, it already has Tobias, Christina, Caleb, Mathew, and Amar programmed into it.  It's thin, with a wide touch screen, and supposedly it's waterproof, "To keep in touch," he said. It's been ringing and vibrating in my pocket all night. Ever since I got in the truck. I pull my phone out of my jumper's pocket, and throw it into the passenger seat. Probably isn't smart to check my phone while I drive. Especially since I'm not that great. But the light keeps distracting me, so I pull over, and put the truck in park. I have eight missed calls, and two text messages from Tobias. "Where the hell are you?"

"Call me."

I look in my contact list, and find his name. The phone rings for a beat or two, then he picks up. "Where the hell are you?" He says, "Hey, works too," I say dryly. I hear him scoff on the other end of the phone. "Hey, we have a search party looking for you, but Hey, Tris, how's your day?"
"Aweful! Thanks for asking!" I yell, and I hear it get silent on the other end of the phone. "Tris?" I hear, it's Christina, "Christina," Caleb says in the background. "Tobias, take me off speaker," I say. "You're off." He says after awhile, I don't say anything, he doesn't say anything. I just sit there, silently, with the phone held to my ear, for a long time. I hear Christina in the background saying something, and I can tell the phone is handed to her. "Tris, the car is stopped. We're turning around," she says, and I hear the car start up. "Come back when you're ready." And she hangs up the phone.

I sit in the car silently, for what feels like forever, with the phone still in my hand. I put it in my pocket, and start to cry. Why? Why did they have to do this? Why can't I just be happy with it?

I haven't cried this hard in I don't even know how long, but I feel sick, and I can't control myself. I just hit the sides of the staring wheel over, and over, and over, and over again. "No!" I shout. "No! No! No! No! No!" I'm acting like a child, but I can't help it I just keep hitting the steering wheel, and screeming. And out of no where, the car door flys open, and I'm pulled out of the truck. I fall to my knees, as well as the other person, who is still holding onto me, "No! Get the fuck off of me!" I yell, I have never said anything like that. Ever. But it just slips out of my mouth before I can catch it. "Get off!" I yell, and it's a mixture of crying and yelling, "Shh! Shh! Hey! It's me!" I hear a low voice say. The muscular body is holding my upper arms, right below my shoulders, but I'm still struggling backwards. "Hey, look at me! Look at me," he says softly, as he turns my face, and I see him, Tobias. "It's me." He says, "It's me." I fall into his arms, and sob, "Tobias..." I try to say, "It's okay." He says quietly, "You're okay." We sit there for a long time.