Perfection

[Chapter Three]

You don't want fake friends,
But the ones who you thought were real,
Was the one who would betray you the most.

____

"Want some coffee?" Maisie's gentle voice stopped myself from thinking things such as, if she would betray me what would I do? If this was just all for nothing what would I do? If our friendship is fake, what would I do?

I'd probably jump in a cliff and die.

"Oh? Yeah, sure," I startled, didn't know what to say but just agreed to her question. She then wrapped her hand around my arm which painfully activated my scars from the razor I used this morning. Since mom was always late from work every night, Maisie and I always drink coffee at a local Cafe Shop. Maisie and I completely had a good time, since I stopped thinking about the negative effects that would happen to our friendship. To the both of us.

At our stop, in front of our beloved Cafe, Maisie nudged my elbow and I knew what she meant. Her words stuck me like a lightning that did that on purpose.

"You pay, alright?"

Like I always did.

"Okay." I did have the hesitation to have a argue with her since I don't want to lose the only friend that I have, and now there were more negative thoughts than I expected.

She's just using your money.

I couldn't handle it but make a fake, but a real smile in front of her eyesight. I don't know what have gotten wrong with me, and I never told anyone about it...not even Maisie. Yeah, I trusted her, but with my deep, dark secrets? No.

She's a completely, fake friend.

The voices on my head won't stop, and in a wink of an eye, we were already sitting down to one of our favorite tables in the cafe. It was a round table with two adorable chairs, pastel pink colour with yellow patches by the edges. The table clothe used in the round table is a pastel pink colour, yellow patches attached wonderfully by the whole clothe. Maisie looked at me worried, and I want that kind of face to literally go away.

"Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded my head towards my best friend with an unctuous smile. Sometimes, I'd try to hide my sadness towards my new black hoodie that the sleeves were covering half my scars that bled from the way I cut it deeper than the way I did before. But whatever, the reflection I got from the mirror made me more motivated on getting a razor and wearing black kind of long sleeves even more. I finally ordered a mild coffee, and as always, by best friend ordered a caramel frappe with more whipped cream on top. We never tried any cakes in this particular Cafe Shop, so Maisie ordered  a strawberry cake with caramel sauce and some strawberries by the side. Maisie got a good live at first sight out of it, so she particularly made a good decision.

"So how's life?" She started.

Terrible.

"It was good," I lied. I rarely told Maisie anything different, since she believed that my mom and my sister loved me very much. Which is why I never told her anything except that. Anyway, Maisie and I met when we were at the same batch since elementary school. As Maisie found out that I got good grades and the top of the class, she approached me and we became the best of friends. But somehow, I'd always had negative thoughts.

She only wanted you because you're smart.

These thoughts on my head came into a shadow, like a hidden shadow was trapped inside me. But what if I'm right? I didn't know that much about Maisie yet, since she kept on saying a lot of stories in her childhood years. Good for her, she had a complete family, an only child, and a happy place to live in. She sometimes try to invite me to their house but I hesitated because of how my mom would react to this situation. Maisie even tried to fix it, that she'll go to my house instead, but I brushed it off because mom doesn't like guests.

Maisie and I, as always, coffee lovers. But Maisie liked the frappe more. So I was the only coffee lover. When kindergarten started, I was at the very left corner of the room. Sitting there, people think I had a contagious disease that would spread out the entire universe when touched. So people stay away from me. Maisie isn't my classmate yet, so our friendship is not yet succeeded. When elementary started, in grade four where Maisie and I are at the same batch, and after the year I found out that I was a honor student, with high grades and a really good pet for teachers, Maisie started to say some information about her. Like she started asking questions about me.

I thought, what if this person just want to use me? But I just ignored those innocent, negative thoughts before. But now, it came rushing to my blood even more and it hurts even more than the scars on my arms scattered around. Maisie was completely bad at some subjects, so I helped her win it. Since she did, I thought she would leave by my side and join the popular kids. But, she never did left my side which made me control my negative thoughts.

But now, since I never forgot that she nudged me and told me that I should pay, all those negative thoughts revive around me. Mom did not know that I was hanging out with Maisie, even though she hate my guts, and she didn't even try to get a good look at me, I knew this was a start of what you call.. freedom.

***

After drinking and trying Maisie's new cake, the cake definitely made it up to one of our favourites. She told me that it would be better if we visit this coffee shop more often, and buy more cakes more often. I agreed.

At my house, it was completely devastating since mom never cleaned our house before. Yeah, she does, but it was once a month. Every month, mom let me do all the chores where my older sister was still holding her phone and eyes glued to the screen. I didn't even know why she hadn't died yet from those eye diseases and she's like lucky or something to never get an eye surgery. But whatever, it's bad for the baby. But I don't care about the baby, at all. Because it was Heidi's infant in her womb, and she doesn't even care about it. Yes, I remembered about the day she will abort it, but why do I have a sense of feeling that I felt pity with this little baby on her belly? Ah, whatever. The baby's a bomb.

Suddenly with a blink of an eye, mom heard a phone call. It had been rarely since we got phonecalls because she was really unpopular in her town. Maybe it was the bills? The day she should pay her dept? Or the day—

"Mam, your daughter had bad grades."

That voice was the principal in my school. I knew what she meant. Mom started to panic, and had doubt that her child had bad grades. It wasn't Heidi, it was...it was me. Mom grabbed my arm filled with scars that hurts so well it almost made me whine. Mom told me that we will go to the school again, I tried to be innocent and ask why, but mom blared at me telling that I am...

"Such a shame to this family."

I have accepted it. But right now, this feeling kept exceeding and I wouldn't try to handle it right at this moment. I want to cry, but the feeling that mom would tell me to stop being immature made me hold back my tears. I could still hear my older sister giggling from the sudden action mom did.

"Keep the house safe." She told Heidi.