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flash fic friday 02.14.

    I always wanted to be a star. I wanted to be famous, known, respected. When I was young, I had no idea I could achieve all of those by being feared.
    Fear is a thing that makes people wonder if their lives matter enough, if it will matter enough to survive. For most, it doesn’t. Yet, there’s a little part of our city, where people matter enough for me. So they survive.
    The others… They aren’t that lucky. Most of them could’ve saved themselves years ago, but they weren’t smart enough, so now they have to suffer.
   
    When I was young, nobody thought I would make it to the top. They didn’t even think I would make it for a low-class life. Still, here we are. They fear me, as they should, and I live like a monarch. I have everything I ever wanted, even if it’s a little lonely.
    Of course, there would be no living human being I would share my life with. It was a brilliant life until he came and messed up everything.
    He was annoyingly optimistic and cheery. I wasn’t used to this behavior, and I didn’t want to let him ruin everything I made. Yet, I let him live, ‘cause even though he wasn’t good for my life, sometimes he made me feel a little less lonely.
    Also, there wasn’t a lover as good as him around the city. I know, because Ii tried them all. I changed my one night partners as my underwear, but he had the talent to make me let myself loose in his arms and show him my soft, gentle side.
   He knew so many of my dirty little secrets and desires. He knew them and made them come true. He was like a dream, but only a feverish, nightly dream that ended every morning I woke up, told him that it was time for him to leave, and watched him get dressed.
   After he left, I could feel cold and cruel, the only way I could recognize myself. It was the total opposite of the passionate, slightly drunk girl with him in the bed, feeling as if her blood was boiling. I loved that girl, but it wasn’t me.
   That girl was a whole different person, that I didn’t know, but I loved her. I loved the way I could’ve been her for a night or two and then I could become the cold Tatiana again. It was like some kind of role-playing, where I was an ordinary girl who had a hot night with a handsome boy, whose lips could make her feeling like she’s in the heavens, while her skin was burning with hellfire. They were only a girl and a boy, feeling so many things that they couldn’t express  in words, only in kisses, touches and warm hugs. They weren’t a girl with power and a boy who was sent to kill her. They were only a girl and a boy, desperately in love.
   They weren’t us. They were just a story, that could’ve been, if the stars weren’t so broken, and the world wasn’t that twisted.