The Epiphany

Nothing

It's 7pm.
Just an hour to the date and I have no idea what I'm going to wear. He didn't tell me where we are going, so I have no idea if u should dress fancy or casual.

My heart is beating now in anticipation of the date and I feel relieved because I hope that means I actually really feel something for Alex and I could put away the thoughts of the other night.

"I liked him. I like him. I always will"  I say the words, sounding like I'm actually forcing myself to believe them.

It's 8:15pm. We were meant to be at the restaurant at the time. I sit at the edge of my bed waiting for a text or call from Alex.

A few minutes passed when I finally get a text from him apologizing for his lateness and that he was at my house.

I sigh and walk to meet him at his car. He was leaning by the side of his car with a lit cigarette between his fingers, pressed to his lips.

I watch him gently take a drag and then exhale the smoke. He is dressed casually wearing jeans and a plain T-shirt.

Shit. I'm over dressed.

"Umm, should I go back and change my clothes? I had no idea where we were going, so I may have over dressed a bit" I say trying to hide my embarrassment.

He looks up at me and for a moment I thought I saw him actually admiring me but his faces turns neutral immediately concealing any emotion I thoughts I saw.

"Oh no, you look really nice" he says as his eyes run up and down my body.

"Thanks" I shyly say.

It's 9pm and we are seated at the restaurant. His eyes seem to loom at everything and everyone else apart from me as we wait for orders to arrive.

I had never been to this restaurant before. It is very secluded and a little bit empty.  I basically ordered what didn't sound scary or disgusting which was the first item on the menu. But by the time my food arrived I instantly regretted my decision. It tastes like rocks.

"Umm, do you want to get out of here?" he asks me when he notices that I was just playing with my food and not actually eating.

"yeah. That would be great" I say. I couldn't take more of whatever is on my plate.

We are in his car now and he has been driving for a while.
"where are we going?" I ask him breaking the silence in the car.
"My house" he says "We could just hang around and watch Netflix or something." "We could also order pizza" he adds, "Which  tastes a thousand times better than whatever shit they served us at that fucking place they call a restaurant. The government really needs to burn that shit down."

I laugh at his choice of words and he glances at me, smiling at the fact that he made me laugh. I could feel his eyes sparkle in glee.

We spend the rest of the drive joking and laughing about how terrible the food and service at the restaurant was. We also shared bad experiences we had at other restaurants.

I was actually starting to relax and enjoy the date. I stared at him as his lips moved slowly, describing another awful experience and realized that he was indeed really beautiful.

'This is happening' I say in my head. 'I am on a date with Alex Tate.'

This feels unreal. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach now. I am dating the hottest guy in the whole of Evergreen High.

"Okay, You can stop staring at me now" He says after a while.
I feel like I've heard those words before but I can't remember where.
"Sorry" I say.

His room really does suit his personality.
He has a large poster of a barely dressed model opposite his bed, just beside his TV, and a couple of bands posters on other walls.

After a couple minutes he comes into the room, letting me know that we have only 30minutes before the pizza arrives.

"Maybe we could start the movie before it comes?" he asks.

"Sure"

He quickly turns on the TV and scrolls through multiple movies on Netflix before deciding on 'The Great war.'

Not my type of movie but I pretend to be interested as I watch brutal battles on the screen.

We were seated on a two-person sofa and I could feel him move closer to me as the movie progressed. In no time, he was sitting really close to me.

A grenade suddenly went off in the movie and he grabbed my hands thinking I would be scared because of the shock.

I roll my eyes at the thought. I have watched a lot of horror movies so nothing scares me anymore. But I allow him to continue holding me.

Before I knew it, Alex lips were on mine and I leaned in to receive his kiss.

I closed my eyes, expecting to feel something, anything. Instead, I felt blank. I felt nothing. Not even the smallest amount of affection or a little butterfly. Nothing.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him a little to break up our kiss.

"I'm sorry" I quickly say without thinking.

I don't know if I'm apologizing because of breaking up the kiss or because I don't genuinely feel anything at all towards him.

"What? Did I do anything?" he asks with a little anger and confusion on his face.

"No. No you didn't.
It's just  — , I don't —,   I'm — , I'm sorry. I need to go" I say as I quickly stand up, reaching for my purse and then storm out of his house.

Shit. I just ruined my only chance with Alex Tate.

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