My Angels

I legit wrote this while balling my eyes out

She was so tiny and unbearably cute, sitting in the corner or a wooden nest in a very small pet shop I used to get supplies from for Yoko.
We had exchanged her for a male we had - Yoko got lost once for about 3 days, during which time I cried almost all day while watching recordings of him on my mom's phone, my parents found me crying and felt bad and decided to get me a new bird same kind as Yoko; a cockatiel. We got him from the same small pet shop. He was very chill and kind, his bites didn't hurt (would bite when I kiss him too much lol). Anyways a guy and his son show up to our door with Yoko one day, I think it was a Friday. The guy explains he had found Yoko in a nearby location and noticed he was an odd bird so he approached him and found him to be friendly and took him home. His son liked him a lot and they decided to keep him so they went to the same small pet store to get him a cage and the man that worked there told them that our family had lost a bird of this kind. And they were very kind to return him to us, I was so happy that day and apparently Yoko was too. I had the new bird with me at that time as well -we had named him Soso-. When Yoko first saw Soso he started whistling in joy and he seemed really happy to see him. They seemed to get along fine but we found out later that they were both male, and we wanted to try getting Yoko a female partner and thus was why we exchanged Soso. It saddens me that I easily let him go he was adorable, I hope he had a peaceful happy life and if he's still alive I hope he's not suffering and is happy.-
So now Yoko had a female partner, whom we named Soso as well.
Soso was very timid and scared easily of everything. Yoko didn't seem to like her a lot and he was aggressive with her if she were to get close to him. I tried breaking barriers with her and make her feel safe and less scared and it seemed to work, I couldn't manage to get her full trust though, she didn't resist much to whatever I tried with her but when it comes to petting her head she wouldn't let me do much, which is I think one of the most intimate steps you can do with your pet bird. She did feel safe enough with me and with time she started opening up and dancing as well. Yoko was still not fond of her and her presence started affecting him where he would be hurt when I gave her attention and not to him only. He started picking at his feathers and tearing them which was a result of depression. We figured maybe a female with the same colors as him would've been a better option but I picked her because she stood out to me it was the first time I saw a yellow cockatiel like her and she was gorgeous to me. At the end, since we had Yoko first we figured it would be best to give her back to the pet store and see if Yoko will get better. I really didn't want to give her away but mom said strictly that I have to pick it was either keeping her and Yoko's case getting worse or giving her away and Yoko getting better. I loved Yoko so much so the thought of his case getting worse was so scary to me, and the hope of Soso being sold to other owners seemed like the better option.
Except, when uneducated people that get pets to get their children to shut up ended up buying her... Mom somehow found out who was the family that bought Soso and through their daughter at school mom got told that Soso has died to hunger/thirst because they forgot to change her food and water. They FORGOT to. Or so what the daughter said, nonchalantly I assume, just a toy in her eyes.
I had a good bond with Soso, we were gettin close to each other with every passing day. I think she even liked Yoko as well. She was happy. I gave her away.

It hurts.

I feel guilt.

I feel anger.

I feel sadness.

I feel sorry.

I remember the day we went to SELL her to a different pet store. I was kissing her all the way, I was so sad I didn't want to let her go. Mom stopped by to get mail on the way. When mom stepped out of the car to get the mail I broke down and let a tear roll down only to wipe it away before she sees it because she was gonna go over that bs talk of "either Yoko or Soso, pick". I focused on kissing Soso and hugging her close to my face, on my cheek, all the way. We got to the store, mom explained it, easy cash exchange and now it was time to let her go. I put her on top of one of the cages and when we turned to leave Soso screamed and flew after me. She didn't want me to get far from her, she didn't want me to leave, I felt her feel weak, I felt weak.
She didn't have a good landing either, she looked like she got slightly hurt as well- nothing serious. She landed behind something and was just scared and timid again. I heard her and immediately turned around, I wanted to run to her and pick her up and kiss any pain she had away, to gently stroke her and see if she's alright. But the owner stopped us motioning "its okay I'll get her" and so mom agreed and she had us on our way.

Yoko did get better on the bright side.

But I can never get over Soso, and her story, I still remember her smell. I love her and still cry to her.