Issues // H.S. // A.U.

Chapter Twenty-Five

DANI

I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt the next morning. We woke up late, in the same position we fell asleep in. Harry was up before me, his hand gliding up and down my back comforting. For a split second, when I first gained consciousness, fear raced through me, not wanting to look up at him in case I saw what I had been terrified to see all this week.

But when I lifted my head to meet his eyes, I didn't see an ounce of pity. I didn't see hesitation or a change in demeanor. No, I saw the same old Harry staring back at me, a soft smile appearing and his hand brushing my hair back. I almost burst into tears right there, so overcome with relief. All my worries were washed away as we laid in bed and woke up slowly. Our positions changed over and over, there was light, drowsy laughter and small kisses on every part of our faces except our lips.

In the back of my mind, I was still a little worried about how time would effect his feelings. How she the truth was finally spoken, he might change his mind, but he was easing that worry to the far back of my mind with every soft look and equally soft touch. He knew how fragile I was, yet I didn't feel like he was walking on eggshells around me. He was still playful and teasing. He didn't hesitate to touch me like he always did.

Eventually, we get up to take a shower and brush our teeth. The sensuality never turning sexy as we lather each other up. It was a way to feel closer to the other after I had nearly ruined everything. I was so grateful for my past self for being too selfish and not ending things with him. Now, in the morning, in a new light, I saw everything differently. Instead of days worth of self hatred and guilt influencing my behavior, I saw a little more what he saw. My old self. The strong Dani I presented to the world.

The truth was that I was neither of the girls I showed him. I wasn't the strong, powerful woman he fell for. The one that he would move mountains for. But I also wasn't the weak, scared little girl I felt like since seeing his face again. I was both girls, a mix of memories and struggles and growth. I had overcome my past, but that didn't mean it wasn't still there. I would fight every day of my life, but I think now I had someone to fight for and with.

Harry was on my side, championing me whenever I felt low. It wasn't like he was holding me together like I had thought so many times. He was just beside me, helping me pick up little pieces that had chipped off, giving me the power to glue them back on.

He was running into the battle blindly by my side, not questioning me in the slightest. To have someone so readily there to help me with no judgement was like nothing I've ever felt before. I knew I still had more to tell him, and, however terrifying that was for me, I knew I needed to. I wanted to. I wanted Harry to know everything, and I was just now getting the feeling that it wouldn't change things between us, or it would, but in a healthy way.

My therapist always talked to me about how being open with someone was a way to heal, and I never really believed her. She didn't understand. She hadn't been through that horror. She didn't feel nauseous any time flashes of it appeared in her mind. Saying it out loud, even after once admitting it, made it real. I could pretend that it was all in my head, a nightmare.

But maybe it was okay that it was real. Maybe by opening up to the right people, I could conquer it. As much as I pretended that I was fine, I lived in fear of anyone finding out, especially my friends. They and this school had become a safe haven for me, so far removed from my childhood. I lived in a house that wasn't constantly filled with reminders of how shitty my parents were. I could laugh freely, and control who got to touch me in a way I had never been privy to.

I had been hiding behind this facade, and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to let Harry in. I wanted him to know every part of me, be able to comfort me and understand what he was doing. He had earned it, hadn't he? With almost no hesitation he has trusted me with his secrets, his problems. He's never once looked at me like I was less than him or troubled, even though I very clearly grew up so differently than him. The care and excitement he had when meeting Darla and my siblings was something I never dreamed of.