Something - Quinn Fabray

Chapter 54

"Good morning, Sue, what can I do for you today?" Shelby barely looked up from her newspaper as the blonde cheerleading coach sat down opposite her in the faculty lounge.

"I have nothing left to live for."

"I know, I heard about your attempted Sue-icide by gummy vitamins yesterday." Shelby looked at her over the newspaper. Emma Pillsbury had related yesterday's episode to her. "I have to say that was going a little overboard."

"I am in the throes of depression. My life has ended and the Cheerios are dead."

"Where's your cup of bleach, then?"

"I'm fresh out, and my incompetent maid has neglected to stock up. Too busy watching those Spanish telenovelas."

"You do know that sports go on for the whole year, right? Not sure if you got the memo, but tht's actually what cheerleaders do. They cheer." Shelby shook out the newspaper and turned the page. "And your Cheerios are not dead, you get to start up again next year. You get to go right back to spewing vim and vitriol at your poor minions in just a few months."

"Barbra," Sue said solemnly. "I have not lost a competition in seven years. My depression is such that you would not believe, and there is no longer any rhyme or reason to my life. Even my feud with Will Schuester has been lost, and that smug toilet brush has won the rest of the Cheerios budget for the year."

"Ellen," Shelby answered just as solemnly, putting down the paper. "Get over yourself."

Sue stared at her contemplatively for a moment. "I must say, I find your utter lack of sympathy refreshing. Scotch-Brite and Bambi pretend they don't care, but their desire to console me from my utter humiliation is sickening. Really, I half-expect them to ask me to join the Mouth-Breather Club."

"That would just be a dream come true for you, wouldn't it," Shelby asked sardonically, before her eyes widened in realization. She gazed calculatingly at the coach, wondering if she should intervene. On the one hand, Ryan really cared about the glee club, and she wouldn't want anything to jeopardize it. On the other hand, there was always the chance that Sue would backfire and end up bringing the team even closer together. Plus it would be interesting to watch.

"It most certainly would not," Sue denied. "But I am willing to try anything to pull me out of my doldrums, including subjecting myself to the wailing that Q-Tip considers music."

Shelby nodded slowly, picking the newspaper back up. "Whatever floats your boat, Sylvester."

"Glad we understand each other, Barbra."

..

That afternoon, Ryan and the rest of the New Directions received the surprise of their lives: Coach Sylvester was there, and according to Mr. Schue would be there for the rest of the week. After initial protests and one threat by the Cheerios Coach to shoot someone with an airgun, the irate glee club settled down.

"Now," Mr. Schue went on, having quelled the angry masses for now. "I've just received a letter from the show choir committee. It seems the governing board has assigned a theme to this year's Regionals, and part of our score will be based on how well we interpret it. And this year's theme is... anthem." He looked around expectantly. "Now who can tell me what an anthem is?"

Ryan quickly raised his hand, only to beaten to the punch by Brittany. "It's the bottom of an ant's pants."

Mr. Schue gave her a look. "So close. So close. No. An anthem is a song, full of emotion that somehow seems bigger than itself, than the person performing." Ryan rolled his eyes. Again, if he didn't want an answer, why ask? Oh yes, he wanted an answer from anyone else besides Ryan.