Not a happy thing my dudes
So my mom lectured me when I got home because I've been 'acting like a butt' to my dad and everything else. Even though my dad and whole family are the reason why I don't like staying at my house, and even talking to them. Because it makes me uncomfortable and feel horrible. But when I'm alone or with people I actually like, I can be myself and feel good. Obviously. And I dont feel angry or sad all the time. My mom said I didn't show my dad respect even though HE IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY MY MENTAL HEALTH GOT SO BAD IN THE FIRST PLACE. I fucking starved myself for two months because he fat shamed me when I was younger and I had a very toxic friend tip that iceberg. He made me hate myself and feel self conscious about everything I did. And my family just added to it. They are one of main the reasons why I self harm(ed) and almost ended everything twice. And the house I live in, is the house that still holds so many dark times I dealt with and dealt with them all by myself with no help because I was too scared and uncomfortable to talk to my family. The only reason why I started eating again was because of my friends that made me feel safe and comfortable for who I am. And have accepted me for being who I am. I didn't want to be weak around my friends, I wanted to be the strong one that helped them so they didn't end up like me because their pasts are a lot like mine. And I wanted to be their safe space as a way to pay them back for being mine. They know me so well, awhile my family only knows what I like because I am loud and talk to myself but they dont know anything about me. My dad when he found out about my self harming he started to act too desperate for me to forgive and trust him, to the point where he acts to fake to me. To a point where I just wished he had acted like I never existed like he used to. But then I wouldn't get stuff I want because he pities me and think it'll make me happy
So, 'show respect' my ass
Sorry this was all over the place
