Secretly Loving You

Prologue

                                                                                EDITED

Pain, nothing but pain is all I feel; it radiates throughout my body as old and fresh bruises littered my entire being. Distinct scars are scattered on different parts of my sickly pale skin – looking like a road map going in various directions. These are the scars that's going to stay with me forever; it is a reminder that I'm just a worthless waste of space that nobody wants. It is the same reminder my mother always tells me, also adding I'm a replica of my father as she inflicts more pain.

My father left us when I was five-years-old; both of my parents were arguing at the time. I couldn't hear them well because I was hiding behind a thick wall that separates my bedroom to the living room and I was trying to eavesdrop at the same time. However, the only few things I could pick up was my mother calling my father a dirty, deadbeat bastard and my father calling my mother a lying, cheating, drunken whore before he left, slamming the front door close. Since then, my mother blamed me for their argument, my father leaving and for the rest of my mother's misfortune.

She started hitting me a day after of her argument with my father; she started using the palm of her hand, smacking me here and there until I was eleven years-old. Then she escalated her torture from open hand to a thick leather belt, leaving open welts on my back and the back of my legs. Still to this day, she whips me with that same leather belt, even more so when she's somewhat sober and pissed off. Then there will be days when I get a break from my mother's abuse due to her being really intoxicated.

Slowly, depression started to creep up on me, along with feeling numb – mentally. I tried to push it away, but it was no use and overtime, I succumbed into a deep depression, self hatred and accepting the darkness that came along with it. The darkness is the only thing I know and have; it is the only thing that I could call as my friend.

I do not have anybody – no living, breathing human being to call my friend, especially at school. Everyone at school, excluding the staff, are the second worse as they all bully me while the staff don't do shit.

I've spoken to a teacher a while back about the bullying, said she'll talk to the student about it and all I got in the end was getting severely beaten up. The next day, I sneaked into the same classroom to speak to the same teacher about the same matter and she said that there is nothing she can do because 'everything was just a big misunderstanding.' I call bullshit. Those bullies probably...no definitely told the teacher a whole bunch of bullshit lies to make it seem that I'm being delusional or something and that I've misunderstood them.

I ended up cursing at the teacher, calling her a lazy ass fuck for taking somebody else's word than investigating what really happened, but before she could get her last words out, I left her classroom pissed off. Since then, I didn't say a single word to any of the staff, keeping all my problems bottled up and just took the beating without complaining.

Also, that same teacher that I cursed out, told me to go to the principal's office while attempting to escort me there and telling me the reason why. I just laughed in her face and told her to prove it while walking away from her. I did not want anybody thinking I was going to snitch again and get another serious beating at the end by my school tormentors.

"AVERY! GET YOUR WORTHLESS ASS TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME SOMETHING TO EAT AND DON'T KEEP ME WAITING!" Shouted my mother from the living room. Oh no, she's pissed. She probably didn't get any money for her alcohol and probably didn't get any sex from whatever guy she met at the bar. Almost every night is a new guy that my mother is going to fuck, making sure that the guy is intoxicated to try to steal whatever money he has left and do it all over again the next evening.

I was hoping to get a "free day" without getting whipped because I'm already in pain, physically from yesterday from my mother's abuse and from my bullies at school. Half of my back and parts of my legs already have open cuts with a lot of bruising.

"Yes mother." I quickly replied while getting out of my bed and rushed to the bathroom to get my morning started.

When I was finished with the bathroom, I took a look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted by what I saw. My shoulder length brown hair is dull and flat with no shine nor volume. My almond shaped eyes are sunked in with my bone around my eyes is more pronounced while the color of my eyes is lifeless without any hope of happiness. My skin is sickly pale, almost looking like a ghost and I do not want to get started on body, except for that it all skin and bones; I do not have any muscles or fat on my body because I am completely malnourished and dangerously underweight. I sometimes forget and wonder on how I am not dead yet, but realize that the little food I do get to eat is the only source of energy and nutrition I get.

According to my mother, I am not allowed to eat, she told me that she wants to see me die from starvation or from her beatings and that I won't be a burden to her anymore. To hear my mother say that, really hurts a lot.

A mother supposed to love, care and protect her child not abuse them.

To be honest, my mother used to be a loving parent, caring for me, being there for me when I got sick, making sure I was completely one hundred percent better. But all that changed when my mother started being distant; I didn't understand at first, however, I realized what was going on when my father never came back.

I left the bathroom and on my way to my bedroom door, when it suddenly slammed open revealing my mother, looking extremely pissed off on the other side of my bedroom threshold with the leather belt in her hand.

"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AND TOLD YOU NOT TO KEEP ME WAITING! ARE YOU TRYING TO STARVE ME TO DEATH? Well, no worries, this should teach you to listen to me." I gulped and started to tremble with fear as I looked into my mother's eyes and saw nothing but pure evil while the left corner of her mouth rose.

I stepped back while my mother stepped forward, entering my bedroom eerily slowly; I stepped back a bit further away from her, but somehow, I ended up falling backwards on my ass while my mother closed the bedroom door. She walked closer to me until she was hovering over me and began whipping me with the leather belt.

Everyday is an never-ending cycle of abuse and I just hope I couldsurvive this until my eighteenth birthday, five more months then I'll be free.

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Hey Lovelies!

What do you guys think of this edited prologue?

I revised the whole prologue because there were a lot of grammatical and punctuation mistakes. I also did not like how I started off the chapter.

Anyways, if there is any grammar or punctuation mistakes that I've had missed please let me know as I'll go back and correct them. Thank you

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Until next time my Lovelies!

-Ria <3