stosuh for the soul

five: never letting you go

he never wanted to let hosuh go.

but maybe that's what happened.

(TW: suicide, mentions of anxiety)

maybe he didn't mean to let hosuh go.

but maybe that's what happened.

---

It was a regular day at Stephen's place.

Hosuh's heart was beating wildly. So loud, in fact that he swore Stephen could hear it.

His goal? Confess to Stephen.

There were a million reasons it could go wrong, but Hosuh vowed to try, even if it went wrong.

But he was scared. What if Stephen didn't like him that way? Hosuh didn't want to risk killing what they had. Little did Hosuh know, Stephen was also facing the same dilemma. Both liked each other but kept their feelings pretty much covered under lock and key.

Though he delayed through days and months, that was always him, every day getting heavier and heavier.

Their awkwardness plus Stephen not being very good with words did not equal to a very good combination.

So when he received a message from Stephen asking to meet him the next day, Hosuh was scared. Like high key scared.

Nevertheless, he gathered the courage to meet Stephen.

At Stephen's house, he sits down at the dining table, not paying much attention to the questions that Stephen was asking.

Until Stephen said "Hosuh, I have to tell you something."

"What a coincidence! I have something to tell you too!"

"Well let's say it together! Three, two, one."

"I think I'm in love with Jay."

"I lov- wait."

Hosuh's heart stopped for a moment, eyes widening for a minute before smiling and replying with a nevermind, nothing's wrong, the
expression on his face darkening, earlier smile replaced by tears threatening to fall. Hosuh barely keeps it together as his gaze drops to his fists, allowing them to clench and unclench, though they didn't much help with his anxiety

He gets up and walks to the door, angry tears falling in fat droplets down his cheek, slamming the door on his way out, even when Stephen yells at him to wait and come back.

Texting Ann, he manages to send her a message that it didn't go well.

Sends a couple to Stephen, mostly consisting of "I'm sorry, i wanted to clear my head a little bit." but heads to the bridge instead of the park.

Stephen knew that cryptid message meant he was going to the bridge.

Sure enough, he was there, tethering at the edge as Stephen ran up to him, screaming, " Hosuh! Don't do something you're going to regret! Please don't do this to me!"

Hosuh only replying with "I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you, Stephen. My only wish was for you to be happy. I love you, and i mean it." he says, a sad smile making its way on his face.

He falls.

Stephen's eyes widened. Tears fall.

He crumpled onto the ground. And screams. He just witnessed one of his best friends fall to their possible death.

He closes his eyes, and falls into pitch darkness.

---
He woke up the next day greeted by a myriad of messages.
What happened to Hosuh?

Heard he killed himself. Ugh.

---

Two Years Later

Stephen had finally gathered the courage to go over to Hosuh's house to clean. The structure was barely standing, but he went in anyway, and started cleaning. Midway through, he found an envelope.

to stephen, on the front. intentionally not written in caps, is the next line. don't read unless i'm dead.

He opens it, careful not to tear the carefully stuck seal on the front, and reads.

dear stephen.

i think you already knew this, but i love you. i'll say it a thousand times if you wanted, (okay, maybe not that many, but you get what i mean.)

these feelings started out small. i tried to keep them under lock and key, tried to suppress them, tried to hide them, and they bloomed out of my control.
i thought you didn't like me that way. i know, stupid, right? to me, telling you my true feelings was a big matter. A really, really big one.

and i let it snowball till now.
gosh, i'm getting off track, am i?

i love you, like a lot. all i wanted was to see you happy. guess i just couldn't do that for you, huh? i wish you the best in everything you do, even if i'm not there to see it.

i love you. have you ever wondered how powerful those eight letters are? probably not, huh? well, it's time you should think about it, in that case.

regardless of where i end up, i will treasure every memory we made together. every single one.

i'd be damned if i forgot any.

I love you. so, so, so much. i'm sorry i wasn't enough.

remember, knives are too informal.

love, hosuh.
120518

The tears come in full force, Stephen being unable to stop them as they tumble and stain the paper.

He grabs a single bunch of grapes off the counter and eats them one by one. Like how it should be.
---
(fin.)
word count: 844

ps a bonus chapter will be coming for this one shot. It's so short I'm sorry I wanted to get this out asap, thanks for your patience :D