if i knew ✖ hood [on hold]

09

michael

i really wasn't ready to read the jounal, but i knew that ashton wanted to be last, so i had no choice but to take it. i really wanted to take my time reading it, but i knew they wanted me to try and read it quickly. i kind of didn't want to read it at all, to be completely honest, but i'm doing it anyway.

i haven't stayed at my apartment in forever, calum used to live there with me, and it feels so weird without him being here. i've been staying with my parents, and i know i can't stay here forever. instead of going to my parent's, i went to the apartment that i shared with calum. i think it'd be a nice idea for me, luke, and ash to share one of the apartments, because i don't like being in this big place all alone.

the apartment seemed so creepy without anything going on. before i did anything else, i turned on all the lights in the apartment to try and brighten it up a little bit. i sat down on the couch, put my feet up and took out this journal. i opened it, really scared to find out what i was about to read.

i decided to write you this, so you know exactly what was going on, and why i love you.

i don't want you to be sad while reading this, so i decided to start off each page with a cheesy joke, since i know you love them so much. there's so much i want to tell you, but there's not a lot of room in this book. i'm sorry if i don't get to everything. x

i don't understand why calum wanted to write this. i mean, i don't see why he'd want to put us through losing him all over again. wow, i really seem like a dick right now.

[A/N: dedicated to @-calumhood bc i rlly love all her stories, and if you don't already, you should read them]