i'll let you in (but i'm so scared of what you'll see)

touch

Geralt is weird about touch.

Jaskier expects him to hate it. He's been around plenty of people in his travels, and Geralt seems like the kind of person who would break someone's wrist before letting them hold his hand. Not that Jaskier's tried to hold his hand – he's brash, not stupid. But he's an affectionate person, and that extends to Geralt, even by accident.

The thing is, Geralt doesn't seem to mind. At first, it's little things – a hand on the small of Geralt's back when he passes by, a light touch on his forearm when Jaskier's telling a story, bumping shoulders or knocking feet under a table. Jaskier is allowed to grab Geralt's arm for balance or sit next to him at the campfire with their thighs pressed together.

What's even stranger is that Geralt seems to like it. He'll tip his head into Jaskier's hand while Jaskier is washing his hair or lean in when Jaskier sits next to him and puts a hand on his knee. He never says anything and neither does Jaskier, but it becomes a sort of routine for them.

And that would be the end of the story, except for two strange things that leave Jaskier feeling unsettled. One, Geralt is never the one to initiate the touch. Ever. It's not that Geralt won't touch Jaskier, it's just that whenever he does, it's only for long enough to get him out of harm's way. Geralt will grab Jaskier's shoulder and drag him away from monsters or lift Jaskier onto Roach when he's cold and sick. He'll push Jaskier out of the way of danger, help him up a difficult climb with a hand on his elbow, or pull him away from the edge of something dangerous by the back of his doublet.

But when Jaskier is not in immediate danger, Geralt won't touch him. In fact, sometimes it's the exact opposite, and he'll go out of his way to not touch Jaskier which ends up with them doing some sort of ridiculous dance around the campfire or the room at the inn to give each other space.

"It's okay," Jaskier tries to say one time when Geralt holds onto his arm for a few seconds too long after catching him tripping over a rock, then pulls back like he's been burned. "What's wrong?"

Geralt grunts and shakes his head, then stalks off to collect more firewood.

Jaskier sighs and continues to set up camp.

The second thing that Jaskier notices is that even when Geralt is uncomfortable with being touched, he never says 'no.' The first time it happens, they're in an inn in some town with a name that Jaskier can't remember. Jaskier's off playing for the crowd when he sees a young woman leaning against Geralt's table, her hand resting on his shoulder as she talks to him. Jaskier can't see Geralt's face from where he's standing, but he knows, somehow, that Geralt is not happy about this.

When he tries to bring it up later that night, Geralt stares at him blankly, then shrugs before rolling over and going to sleep.

After that, Jaskier sees it more often. A lord will leave his hand on Geralt's arm for too long and Geralt's jaw will tighten, but he won't push the man away. Some drunkard in the tavern will slap Geralt's shoulder and while his expression will shift to something unpleasant, he won't remove the offending hand (with his sword or otherwise).

So Jaskier waits and watches. He's more careful with his touches – he would absolutely never touch Geralt if he said 'no,' Jaskier is not that kind of man and it makes him sick to think about it. But while Geralt never says 'no,' he also never touches Jaskier, and the whole thing is a confusing clusterfuck that Jaskier is determined to figure out.

~

"You," Jaskier says one evening after Geralt returns to their room at the inn, drenched in something reddish-brown that Jaskier doesn't want to think about, "need a bath."