Rainy Days

Fade Away

Sometimes I think about how easy it would be to fade away. 

It wouldn't be hard. 

A soft voice lost among a cheering crowd wouldn't be missed. The small space normally occupied by my broken soul would fold neatly into the corner, tucked away like a memory to make room for larger personalities, attracting eyes like moths to a flame. The gaps between time with friends would get longer, growing slowly. Quietly. Until my absence is common. 

It wouldn't take long.

Answering the phone would get harder. Haunted by unopened text messages, a fitting reminder of what it means to ghost someone. Eventually, it would get easier to ignore them. More question marks. Less answers. Less everything. No one would see the change right away. It would slip past them like shadows on a dark day. 

It wouldn't be hard to explain. 

Illness, phone problems, or being too busy. Words that drip off the tip of my tongue. Honey-sweet lies coated in the false promise of future plans. Rescheduling becomes a response, automatic and insincere, and expectations disappear. There's always a reason, they'll say. Easy enough to explain my absence away. 

It wouldn't bother many people.

Out of sight, out of mind. That's what they say. It's hard to love what's not there, and the longer I'm gone the less people will care. They'll stop reaching out and forget about me. I'll become nothing more than a memory- chased from a mind by the simple passage of time.

Or at least this is what I tell myself. 

The truth is, I don't know if the ones I love will feel my absence as physical pain or simply move on and forget my name. If they'll notice, or care, if i'm not there. I think they would, and my heart agrees, but I'm not about to see. I know I would miss them, their love and warmth and laughter that lifts my soul like a breeze. They anchor me. 

So, for the people I love, I stay. 

They're the reason I won't fade away.