THE WAY I LOVE // JEONGCHEOL FF

/Turns out the love I wanted to give you is hurting me more

He slammed me against the nearest wall the moment he got in. His lips captured mine in a rough kiss- biting, tugging on my lower lip. "Seungcheol I--" and he shushed me with another soul-sucking lip lock. I couldn't even get a word out. Why is he here? He was not supposed to come yet- not in two more days.

He pushed past my shirt and I shivered as his cold hands touched my bare skin. Even after being touched by him countless times, a single caress still sends shivers running down my spine. His left hand travelled north, stopping only to flick my sensitive bud while his other hand gets busy gripping my hip. "I want you." he whispered as his mouth works on my neck. Seungcheol starts nibbling on a certain spot, and I knew for sure he's leaving a mark-- he's territorial and possesive. He said those marks are to remind me that I am his. And I am. Even though he's not mine.

/Continue to repeat badly. I love you. Oh and regret it again

He carried me to the bed, our clothes long discarded and left messy on the floor. He dropped me, a little roughly than I had wanted but he pulled me back so I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. I know what he wants me to do.

I planted a kiss on his navel and his breath hitched, all the more when my hands travelled to the side of his thighs. I wasted no time in taking him in. I took him as far as I could and heard him cuss, "Fuck, Jeonghan." The head of his manhood hitting the back of my throat and just as when I was about to pull back, he placed his hand on the back of my head and pushed his length further in. I chocked and gagged- totally out of breath and he's not exactly lacking in length and girth. He let go and I was able to finally catch my breath and immediately took him back in after. "Look at me." he commanded. I looked up and our gazes met- his eyes dark with lust and mine clouded with love although I try to disguise it with desire.

He pushed me and motioned for me to bend over. I did. I do everything he says. I heard him go through my night stand in search for lube. And then he entered me, just like that. No preparation, no protection. I couldn't stop the cry that came out of my mouth. He's never this rough. Something must have happened. I felt him lean down and placed a single kiss on my back, just below my right shoulder- a silent apology.

He started moving. He pulls out in a long and painfully slow pace only to push back in with such force that makes it possible to hit my sweet spot every single time. It didn't take long until he was pounding hard and the room is filled with our flesh hitting and combined moans.

All of a sudden, he spun me around with our bodies still connected in the sweetest possible way. He pushed my knees up as he buried himself inside me. I was taken a back. We rarely- almost never do it like this. He said it felt too intimate- the level of intimacy we're not allowed to set foot in.

I reached out to him with my hand and caressed his cheek and for a while there I thought I saw a single tear escape his eye but he buried his face on the crook of my neck and kissed me there instead so maybe I'm just seeing things.

/ Even if you hurt me everyday. The way I love, the way I love.

I felt myself soon reaching peak and I know Seungcheol knows it too. So he quickened the pace and breathed out, "wait for me." In no time, we came spilling our seeds with Seungcheol collapsing on top of me. I tried restricting myself but I couldn't help the urge to wrap my arms tightly around his neck.

I love this man. I love him. I want to tell him. But I can never. He will never belong to me. Not in the way I wanted.

He rolled over and laid down with his back facing me. We were silent for some time. We never really talked after sex. He told me we cannot connect on that level, so I never bothered. As long as he comes to see me, I'm okay.

"I have to go." he said after some time. All I can do is close my eyes as I felt that very familiar pang in my heart. I just stared at him as he got up and put on his clothes. And then he looked at me. That look as if he wants to say something. I waited, but those words never came. I felt as if a knife sliced open my chest as I stare at his retreating form. He never looked back. He left. He left and went back to her. And im here, hoping he comes back soon. Because I'd rather have him like this than not have him at all.

-- KKEUT

@ natchwe // 2020

THERE'S PART TWO!!! SEUNGCHEOL'S POV ON NEXT PART. i couldn't sleep until i've put this out lmao. I hope it's okay. Let me know your thoughts pls! And i had to write this in first person pov so it feels more personal. 2nd part will be in first person pov as well.