Raggedy Friend

chapter 2

I'm not going to go into detail about what happened last night. I didn't kill myself. Obviously.

I did cut myself. 47 times. Yeah, last night was long.

I walked to school. As normal. Nothing unusual. Although, the leaves looked a little greener. The birds sang a little louder. And the world in general seemed a little brighter. It was the short moments like this I lived for.

They didn't happen often and were dampened down quite soon by things like school but, I liked the world.

'The skies above are still grey,

As they were yesterday.

But today there is a little less sorrow

For the clouds have let there tears flow.'

We studied this poem in English last year and coloured clouds and rain drops in because that's how you are going to get an a* in English, and although I didn't really think much of if at the time I get it now.

When you cry you give your pain back to the world.

Because the world fucking deserves it.

I sighed again.

I was bored.

I guess it was just another boring day at Leather bridge Secondary. Life seemed so boring some days it becomes unbearable. The daily running's and everything going to plan made the voices louder.

They shouted and screamed in the silence. They were worse when they whispered, but that was rare; it didn't happen often. But the absolute worst was the mad mutterings as if they were cursing under their breath. Because you knew they weren't mad. More often than not, the prophecies of the lunatic in my head turned all too real.

I took a deep breath.

Not to relieve me of any stress. Only to remind me I was still alive.

It wasn't a comforting thing to know.

I guess I was ok though.

I didn't want to let my self know that I was ill.

All the cuts and voices and death wishes in the world could not tell me I was ok.

That was another symptom of depression. Denial.

The street had turned grey again. The empty chatter of kids controlled by superior adults filled the air again..

My head hurt. It felt numb. Like I wasn't going to work. I think my brain is dying.

Its been tired a lot lately.

And it keeps forgetting things.

Everything keeps going wrong and I think my brain is getting beaten down by that which possesses me. At least it feels dead.

Its wants to be dead. It would be better use if it was dead.

I didn't care about school really. I cared about my mum and dad. I cared about everything apart from school to be honest. Well not who went out last night on I'm a celebrity but you get the idea. I care about everything and I cant keep it together some days.

I guess this life just can't handle me.

I walked into school. My friends, all wearing exactly the same, walked up and we greeted each other. I was shivering in the flimsy uniform. You'd think if they were going to make us all wear the same thing that they would at least make it warm.

I really needed my life to change.

It wasn't even mine at the moment.

Something had to happen soon.

I couldn't keep living so long as every breath I breathe is translated into 'kill me' in my head.