I just wanna see you
It all happened so fast. One second we were fighting off a pack of rogue Alphas, then the next I was standing over the body of the love of my life.
I couldn't feel anything for the next week and a half.
I didn't want to feel anything, it would be too painful.
Derek is dead. And it's all my fault. I should've stayed in the car, none of this would've happened if I had just stayed in the car.
It's my fault .
He's dead.
It's my fault.
You're broken.
It's my fault.
You can't fix it.
It's my fault.
It's your fault.
~
The first time I cried was when Scott brought in a jar of peanut butter, some jelly, and bread to make me a sandwich. He was complaining about how I wasn't eating.
Derek loves peanut butter.
Loved
Derek loved peanut butter.
~
The first time I heard him I was at a bar, Half-wasted. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I tried to drown my sorrows with alcohol. It didn't work. I thought maybe if I drank then it would lessen the pain. It didn't. It only made it worse.
I wish I could hold you
I stumbled out of my chair, my eyes darting around. Searching. Only he wasn't there.
Because you killed him.
I killed him.
I wish I could hug you.
I scrambled out the door after slapping a twenty dollar bill on the bar edge.
I needed to get away from that voice.
I wish I could touch you.
"Go away."
It's like I could almost feel him standing behind me, guiding me back to my car. I didn't drive. I just sat there staring ahead of me.
I wish I could kiss you.
I slowly turned my head to the side, and there he was.
Derek Hale
Who you killed
Sitting in the passenger seat of my Jeep.
"You're not real. You're dead"
You killed him
"I killed you."
I wish I could cuddle with you.
"Get out of my head."
Tears slid down my cheeks as I stared into the eyes of my husband.
Ex-husband
I wish I could still love you.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Please just leave me alone."
I wish I could be here with you.
"But you can't. Because your dead."
You killed him.
"I killed you."
I watched as Derek's gaze drifted to the center console. I slowly reached my hand over to it, pulling it open.
Inside, sat a small envelope. It had my name on the front in an all to familiar handwriting.
I picked it up with shaky hands tearing open the seal.
Dear Stiles;
I never thought this day would come. The day I had to leave you. But if you are reading this letter than I guess that means the thing I've dreaded ever since I met you has happened. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were it for me. I could never love another person as much I love you.
I never thought I would be happy, I didn't believe that I deserved it. But from the moment you walked into my life, my views suddenly shifted. They became more clear, more vivid. I knew I wanted you and I would do anything to have you.
You are my mate Stiles. My forever love. That burning flame of passion in my heart that can never be put out.
Whatever the circumstances are for why I have gone. I want you to know that I love you. And I will always love you.
Please don't blame yourself. I know you Stiles, and whatever happened. It wasn't your fault.
There's a house, in Puerto Rico. Right along the coast. It's fully payed for and is right down the street from a nice little super market. I want you to take the rest of the money under our name, and go live there. Get out of Beacon Hills. Explore. You can take Scott if you want, I know you can't live without him. I just don't want you to spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if'. I want you to be happy and grow old.
I can't wait to meet you again in the next lifetime. I know it will happen.
No matter who we come back as. We will always find each other, no matter what.
I love you with all my heart Mieczyslaw Stilinski-Hale. Don't ever forget that.
Love, Derek Stilinski-Hale
