it started last year my 7th grade year when I cut for the first time. my Best Friend was having troubles with herself and other things. I'm the person who anyone can talk to and I'm a shoulder to cry on, but when she told me stuff I got lost into a sea of emotions. I thought to myself "why is this time different than the others?" I guess I felt responsible for my friend now. one day at school she was writing in this book she always writes in but I caught a glimpse in what was in it and it had several notes in it to people in our school and her parents. there was one that had my name on it, it was saying how she is sorry for putting me through everything. she also said she loved me and to always be happy and don't let things get to your head. I went home that night and curled in a ball bawling my eyes out on my kitchen floor, my mom asked my "what's wrong" I couldn't tell her anything because I promised my friend I wouldn't tell anyone anything. I wound up telling my mom, she called our principle and told him. the next day was very interesting . my friend asked me if I told anybody I said yup , I know now I should've said nope but at the time I would've much rather her hate me and be alive then love me and be dead. I also found out the night I told my mom about my friend. my friend was planing to kill herself. my friend got really mad at me for telling and stopped talking to me. I kept asking myself "would she rather have died?" I finally got tired of being ignored and broke apart my razor and made a really deep cut on my left wrist. I went and got a band aid and saline wash to put on the cut but it wouldn't stop bleeding and you could see some of my bone and fat Particles. I went and told my mom and she took me to the hospital. we went to the emergency room and I got checked out and stuff the nurse kept asking "was this intentional?" I kept saying no because I didn't want to be looked at differently by my family. the nurse didn't believe me. the lie of it being an accident lasted all of my 7th grade summer. then my 8th grade year came along and one of my closer friends starts to cut, she used a Bobby pin. I asked her "did I show you it's okay to cut because of stress?" she said "no I've been going through a lot and I needed a stress reliever so I cut." that night we talked about what made us cut, and other things. today I still suffer from cutting but also I suffer from depression and post traumatic stress. I have learned how to handle it though. if you ever need to talk let me know because I'll be there for you.
