Walls

Only the brave

It's the church of burnt romances
And I'm too far gone to pray
It's a solo song
And it's only for the brave

🌈

The last song on the album might be the most important one for himself. It's his coming out song. Him admitting that he isn't straight. He can of course not say that out loud now. He sits down to talk about the song.

"This is in my opinion the perfect way to close the album. Ehm, again, it's a song I'm really proud of and it's slightly different sonic and lyrically style so I think that's important as well for a tap of variation on the album. Ehm, and the song itself is about, obviously, being brave and talking about the... talking about love basically and that love is only for the brave. It doesn't necessarily have, well it definitely doesn't have the same structure as eh, maybe like a standard pop song, you know. The chorus only really comes around once, which again I think is a good way of close the album. I think it leaves you wanting more. Ehm, and I think just a really incredible, nice, like comfy moment for the album."

He feels good about that explanation, that love is only for the brave. Because it is. He wasn't brave enough in the past and it cost him everything. Because Harry is everything.

He's finally done with this track by track and can go home for the day and wait for the phone call from management telling him that he should have talked about Eleanor. He knows he will get that call but he doesn't care what they say. He just wanted to be as honest as he could be without outing Harry. He would never do that without Harry's consent.

He shakes everyone's hand and thanks them individually for their work today before he puts his jacket on and walks out to his car to drive home. He just wants to spend the rest of the day in front of the tv. He'll have a couple of crazy weeks ahead of him before the album drops, not to forget Christmas and his birthday ahead. He's going home to Doncaster to spend the holiday with his family. It's been a while since he last saw them and he can't wait. He can't believe he's turning 28. At one point in time, he didn't think he would live long enough to see his 25th birthday. He's glad he did.

Harry drops his album in three days. Louis is so nervous to listen to it but he has to. He has already heard the singles he made into music videos. Lights up was a punch in the stomach. It felt like Harry was telling him that he doesn't believe his apologies and that he never would be brought back into his darkness again. A nicer fuck you Louis, kind of.

Adore you only confuse him. It can't be about him, which means Harry has someone else in his life now, another man or woman, and it kills him. The thought is unbearable.

Three days later he sits by his computer and tries to collect enough courage to listen to Harry's full album. He shouldn't even put himself through this but how would he ever be able to resist? He starts the first song named Golden and listens to the lyrics. It could be about him, god he really hopes it is, but it's probably about someone else. Why would Harry write songs about him now? It's been years.

He presses play on the next one called Watermelon sugar. It's a really good song but the lyrics don't tell him anything. He and Harry have different writing styles. Harry is very poetic. Louis spits out his tea when he hears Harry sing 'I want your belly and that summer feelin'
Getting washed away in you'. Harry can't be that dirty, can he? No, he must be the one with the dirty mind.

He chuckles to himself and skips the next two songs, because he already heard them. Next is called Cherry. What's up with this obsession with fruits? Who is this song about? Camille? Did Harry let her call him baby? Louis cringes when hears the french girl talking in the end and presses pause. Fuck! That hurt!

He presses play on the next track instead, called Falling. His eyes tear up immediately after the first couple of lines. Did Harry cheat on someone else too or is this song about him? It pains him to hear Harry sing his heart out.

Fuck! That was intense! Louis needs a smoke. He steps out on the balcony for a quick drag before he's seated in front of the computer again and presses play on the next song, To Be So Lonely. He listens to the lyrics and unless he's completely delusional, this song is about him as well.

He listens to the rest of the album. Sunflower makes him tear up again and Fine Line is a masterpiece. Harry has done it again. He picks up his phone to send him a message.

Hi Haz, I just want to say that I just listened to your album. It's amazing. I'm so proud of you. I think there's one song or two about me there, right?

Louis stares at his phone waiting for a reply. Harry answers a couple of minutes later.

Thanks Lou! That means so much to me. You'd be surprised. I'm well aware I write too many songs about you. Take care!

Louis recognizes that line and starts to scroll through Harry's lyrics. He finds it in Falling. Wow, so that song is about him? It's such a sad song. A desperate plead, like his own Defenceless. But it doesn't mean Harry feels like that today. It could just be how he remembers that time in their lives. Louis wishes he knew from which point of view Harry had written the song.