There's A First Time For Everything

Lucidity

It was a sunny afternoon. Curt strode around the house, music playing loudly as he finished mopping the floor. He was home alone for most of the day and took it upon himself to get some housecleaning done. It was a good way for him to think: something he'd been doing quite a bit over the last few days.

After he finished cleaning, he changed into some running shorts. He hummed to himself as he put his earbuds in, stopping for a moment to check the bandage on his head. It was still sealed nicely. The doctor had told him to take it easy for at least a week, but he felt fine enough. In fact, he'd had a strange sense of mental clarity ever since his accident.

Curt decided he was done moping and being defeated. Nothing good would come of it. After all, he knew the odds were against him - that Roland likely wouldn't choose him over Stephen. It would be rough for him, no doubt, but he would do his best to move on and be happy for his friend. But if, by some stroke of luck, he was chosen, he would make the absolute most of every moment, and he would never, ever take Roland for granted again. 

He tied up his running shoes. 

Whichever answer he received, he was ready for a new beginning, a clean slate.

He went outside, locking the door behind him, and set off on his run.

---------------------------

*Thwack!*

Roland hit the ball with a sharp forehand. He was spending the afternoon at his favorite tennis court. Strange as it seemed, solo tennis was a good way for him to focus. For some reason, the thought of music right now just made him ache more. This was exactly the bodily activity he needed to figure out the mess in his mind. Whipping the ball against the wall, he sorted out the various thoughts floating around in his head.

*Thwack!*

He wasn't sure how he felt about being with Stephen, now. Things certainly didn't feel the same after the incident a couple days ago. He couldn't exactly blame Stephen for being suspicious, but to go to the lengths he did... Spying on him and Curt, trying to make a move on him when he knew he wasn't ready... Was this who Stephen really was? Roland couldn't see himself being comfortable with someone that uptight.

*Thwack!*

That was one thought sorted. So what about Curt?

He'd fancied Curt long ago, when they two were still young. He wanted to tell him on many occasions, but they never seemed like a good time. He also wasn't sure how Curt would respond. It wasn't like he ever showed any signs of returning his affection, and Roland certainly never suspected he was hiding any feelings. So after the splitting of Tears, Roland swore to bury his for good. He needed to, for his own mental well-being. 

*Thwack!*

But hearing Curt's sudden confession had done something to him. He'd felt it recently, in the depths of his heart: a familiar stirring, fueled by the sparks of a possible second chance. But should he take that chance now? He tried to visualize what a relationship with Curt would look like, and the thought both exhilarated and terrified him. Their friendship was already complicated enough. Being together might make it awkward, but rejecting Curt definitely would. Should he break his friend's heart and damage their friendship? Or should he break Stephen's and make his fears justified? 

His thoughts were organized, now. He just needed to make the decision.

He finished off his session with a backhand.

*Thwack!*

---------------------------

He drove back through the L.A. hills, feeling relieved that his mind was at least clearer now. As he slowed down at the next stop sign, his eye was caught by the blur of a figure whizzing by. He glanced up to see Curt running across the road, bandage still on his head. It seemed roadrunner was already back at it, probably against doctor's orders. 

Curt, I told you to be more careful...

That was his partner, though; dedicated to his routine no matter what. He watched him and smiled. There was so much he admired about Curt. He was honest, he was comfortable with who he was, he knew what he wanted, and he wasn't afraid to tread his own path. His free spirit was what drew Roland to him most, and what made him fall in love with him all those years ago. But pride is a funny thing, and Roland could never quite bring himself to express his appreciation, at least not nearly enough. Maybe if he had been more honest with Curt, he wouldn't be in this mess now.

Curt thankfully hadn't noticed him. He continued sprinting up the path until he disappeared over the hill. A honk from the car behind him brought Roland back to reality. He waved to the driver in apology and proceeded to drive again.

After arriving back at his L.A. home, he prepared himself a cup of tea and slumped onto the dining room chair. Upon the table sat a vase holding the sunflower Curt had given him. Roland gazed at it, watching the remaining sunlight trickle in through the window and onto its bright, yellow petals. How amazing it was. The flower had been chopped from its roots, and had aged a bit, but was still so alive and beautiful. 

I love a sunflower. And I believe in love power...

He couldn't deny himself any longer. He knew when his heart wanted something. There was only one thing he didn't know. Had his feelings been rekindled? Or had they never truly died?