There's Ice in His Veins (A Jack Frost Fanfic)

Chapter 9: Waning Moon

"But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter." -Arthur Rimbaud

***

We left Peter's shortly after reading his note, not feeling comfortable being there alone. I can't help but wonder where his real home is, but I know he retreated there because of me.

Jagalan and I walk towards the edge of the town, planning to enter the forest because the next ingredient we need is a type of fungi found on trees.

It's still strange...walking through a crowd of people and having them go right through you. Out of instinct I still dodge them, but then I remind myself you don't have to. Jagalan gives me a sympathetic look when I apologize to someone I thought I'd made drop their basket before I realized it couldn't've been me.

"I'm sorry I made Peter flee," I say once we're far from the village. "I mess everything up, don't I?"

"No, the sun inside of you does," Jagalan responds, sensing my melancholy state and taking my hand. "And we're going to get rid of it in less than a week."

Jagalan says the fungi can only be seen at night because it's grown by moonlight (go figure). So we walk deep into the forest and stop by a river for water and rest. It's almost nightfall, but not quite; the sun is still awake here.

"You never told me about your family life," Jagalan says as I play with her hair. We're lying down in a soft patch of grass, her head on my stomach.

I shrug. I'd never told her because one, she never asked, and two, it hurts.

"I had a little sister; she was the sweetest thing. She saw me fall through the ice. We were skating, and it'd started to crack while she was on it, so I helped her move along. She got to land, but I fell through. I don't remember ever seeing her again. She must've panicked and fled. But I'm glad I fell and not her; I would've felt so guilty."

"Yeah, at least she's alive."

"And my parents were just normal parents I guess. There's nothing special about my family, we were pretty normal. I just wish I could see my sister again, and she could see me."

Jack shifts, lifting her head to reach up and kiss me. Talking about family made me remember her dad and how I'd killed him and how the guilt was still slowly eating me alive. Am I ever gonna tell her? I have to, but when? She'll hate me forever, and I need her help. But maybe I should just tell her now...I need to get it off my chest.

She pulls away, but still remains close, her lips just brushing mine. "I promise to help you find your sister."

I close the gap this time, but make it short and sweet because I need to tell her.

"I hate to bring this up, but did you say your father left you?"

Jack lies down next to me. "He died, yes."

I slowly move my gaze from her to the now starry sky. "He was strangled."

"How'd you know? Did I tell you that?"

I hesitate and hope that I suddenly become mute. But, alas, I do not. "Because I killed him."

Nothing.

"I mean, the sun inside of me did."

Silence.

"I've felt guilty as hell about it since it happened, and finding out he was your dad made it worse."

Is she even breathing?

"I had to tell you; it was tearing me apart."

I hear her breathe now.

"I'm so, unconditionally, unbelievably, sorry."

My eyes are filled with tears, and when I turn to look at her beautiful eyes, hers are too.

"Please don't hate me," I whisper.

She continues to stare at me, not in terror or angst or hatred, but in sadness for her father.

"I took away a life I wasn't entitled to take away. Trust me when I say I'll never forgive myself or forget."

She never says anything. The rest of the night she's as quiet as a field mouse, only speaking to say goodnight to me.

I can't sleep, and I feel like my heart is deteriorating and making my blood flow backwards.

It must've been the crack of dawn or before when all the aching in my bones and heart faded away because of one sentence.

"I forgive you."

I turn, not realizing she'd awoken.

"It wasn't you, it was the monster inside. I know if you weren't cursed you would never imagine that. Now I just ask that you forgive yourself because you don't deserve to worry about it anymore. I forgive you..." and then she said something I didn't even know I'd been waiting to hear, "...and I love you, Jack."

By now I realize we're both crying, softly, but surely.

"I love you, Jack," I say back, and I didn't even know I'd been waiting to say it.