~Beauty is Vain~

~Hard Knock Life~

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."-Proverbs 31:30

Beauty. It's the focus that dominates our society. People are prone to judge you by how you appear on the outside. Even with a glance, people make their opinions about you internally or out loud. I've learned to stop caring about what others think about me a long time ago...I've stopped listening to the flattering words people gave me on a daily basis. Wow. External beauty doesn't mean that person is beautiful, it isn't vital at all. I know this. Beauty can trick us. It's amazing how some people's beauty can blind us so much that however that person really is, it's very oblivious to us at the time. We're caught up in the magic of their looks that we overlook the darkness lurking inside that person. Then we're surprised when the beauty fades, their faults and scars are what remain. When people say I'm beautiful, I don't believe it. They are just talking externally, my caramel-mocha skin, long jetblack hair, and too revealing jade green eyes. I stopped believing it when dad decided my mom and I weren't what he wanted.

I was 6 years old then. He took all the "you're beautiful" with him when he left, believe it or not. My mom didn't take the divorce so good. She then fell head over heels in love with "white powder". Sometimes I think- no I know that she admires her precious "Nose-Candy" more than me and herself. That's why when people comment on me, "I wonder am I really pretty?" And if so, how do they really know when they only see what I show them? So...I guess you never really know a person at all. Like my mom. I remember when she used to brush my hair as I dozed off in her lap, singing me a sweet lullaby. I still cry when I think about those things, but this is the "hard knock reality". "Mommy" isn't here anymore and is now replaced with an emotionless woman, who only acknowledges my existence when she needs her "happy hour" and wants me to leave. I'm rolling my eyes as I write this down, it's ridiculous how my dad caused me to lose a lot of things in my life. 1. My mom's love 2. My own sense of love 3. My confidence

"Girl give me some money, I told Nick I'd meet him in 2 minutes, and don't say you don't have any, because I called your boss and he told me you got paid today!" she screamed, glaring at me through devilish eyes. I sighed internally as i gazed upon the once warm and loving face that kissed me goodnight, stolen and replaced by a woman with no care in the world for me, but my money. i sghed again shaking my head. Her eyes burned with agitaion as I sat there, not saying anything. She screamed loudly that made my ears ache. "Give me the money Nichole!" she screamed again impatiently. My eyes widened as i realized she called me by my first name. She hasn't called me by my name in over a decade. I unwillingly reached in my pocket and fished out a ten dollar bill. She snatched it and walked out. I wonder...what inside her made her call me by name?

I shrugged it off and started to get ready for my night-shift job. I didn't like to change when I was there, took too much of my time and I didn't want to mingle with anyone, I just did this for extra money to pay for the rent, lights, clothes, and food. Since my mother decided 5 years ago she didn't want to work anymore, I only got through it with help from my Auntie Faye. I was forced to take up two jobs, one at a fast food place, and the other...welll...dancing. The chicken job didn't pay off the bills, so I had to do what i had to do, and I'm not proud of it, but i have no choice; I am alone in this game of life. After I got dressed I grabbed my coat, and headed outside. Of course mom was already gone. I locked up the blue house before stepping in my black 2014 Impala and driving down the road. I finally pulled up to that red building, the now rugged sign spelled out "Love & Fun". I despised everything about this place. It's sad that I have to scrape this low at the bottom of the barrel to keep my head above water.

I sighed before stepping out. A guy who looked to be in his mid-40's had on all white, like he was going to a cocktail party. He stopped, looked at me and smiled. "Well, hello little lady, I'm guessing you work here...you don't....you don't look like the type to be in this place- "And you don't look like the guy to be here." I snapped at him. I was referring to his ring on his finger. I get so disgusted when I see men, well MARRIED men here, obviously lying to their wives where they were going or where they are, makes me sick, and you wonder why some women hate men? He looked at me with a snake like smile gradually growing. "Well, I am that type...thank you for noticing mam." he said, he even took off his hat and bowed before me like I was a queen. I rolled my eyes as I closed my pink long mink coat. I slid my glasses on as well to keep from anyone at school from noticing me.