Sativa.

32. Reprecussion pt 1

7 years ago

Grief isn't a science. It's not meant to make sense summed up in five stages. Blaine hasn't ever been good with coping and her reactions are often alien to outside perception.

Grandpa Albert died on a Sunday toward the end of June. She'd thought having a year to prepare for his passing would lessen the impact of his death. It didn't.

She responded very differently than the rest of her family. Her Father poured himself into his work, that was usual. Meanwhile her Mother seeped into booze, which was also usual, but not to the extreme after her Father's death. Both her siblings took a week off school.

Blaine was different. Every morning she'd wake up early, making her own sack lunch and walking all the way to the bus stop when her mother was too inebriated to drive her.

Going to classes was all that made sense. It helped keep her mind off the shattering of her family. Grandpa had been her glue and, without him, all her pieces don't seem to fit together anymore.

After so many holidays spent at Albert's isolated cabin in the woods, that Fourth of July was the loneliest day of Blaine's life. Everything that once annoyed her just made her sicker with melancholy. She missed Aunt Marg's traffic cone hair and would even accept cousin Viv's hostile attitude less begrudgingly.

The holiday was spent at the trailer park with Dad at work and her exhausted Mother lounging on the couch chain smoking to sitcom reruns. Without Blaine's encouragements, she and her siblings wouldn't have ended up in the kitchen trying to make sphagetti.

Their efforts, although valiant, didn't end well. All they had in the cabinets were ramen noodles. The meatballs Blaine and Tina made fell apart at the slightest poke. Still, all five of them ate dinner at the table as a family while reminiscing past holidays between bites of chunky tomato sauce and stringy mis-flavored noodles.

It's one of the happiest memories Blaine has.

Enduring Grandpa's funeral a week later was not how she wanted her family to finally come together. Even after how much she missed them. Despite the presence of all their relatives the procession was still unbearably small.

The Sativa clan sat on the front pew. Blaine won't ever forget how stoic her Mother was during the reception. Viv and Aunt Marg were seated behind them. Her Aunt sobbed dramatically through the entire presentation. There were three old ladies across the isle anxiously knotting handkerchiefs in their hands but otherwise lacking emotion. Blaine assumed they were merely a part of his church fellowship. Much like herself, Albert was never good at making friends.

When the funeral transitioned to the burial of his coffin only the adults progressed. For some reason Clark included himself in the group. This left Tina, Viv, and Blaine to roam behind the cemetery. The three of them ended up walking down a steep hill, slipping on dewy grass in their fancy shoes.

Despite cloud cover it was a warm summer day. But the short skirt Blaine wears isn't the best attire for a hike. Her legs are quaking by the time she sits under the bridge her sister led them to. When Tina lights a cigarette Viv glares, her expression intensified by too much eyeliner.

"You going to tell your Mom?" Tina asks, purposefully blowing smoke at her face.

Viv's red painted lip curls in disgust. "I won't. You'll reek of it anyway."

The fierce vibe their cousin emits is a farce. Her and her Mother are very religious and strict. On a completely opposite spectrum to Blaine and her siblings. During all the gatherings, Viv spent the most time with Clark but he seems to get along with just about anyone so that doesn't count.

A long silence settles between the three girls. Tina passes Blaine the cigarette and she smokes the rest of it, looking down far below. She's perched on a thin cement slab hanging over a small canyon. The river under them is shallow. Passing as more of a dribble than in rapids.

"I can't believe Grandpa's gone." Viv whispers, sniffling then wiping at her nose with the sleeve of her black shirt. The blue dress Blaine wears doesn't have sleeves --- she has nothing to wipe away her tears.

"I miss him." Blaine sympathizes as hot tears drip from her eyes. "But he's in a better place."

"I don't believe in heaven." Tina's tone is flat and her eyes are dry. It's a heavy conversation for a group of seventeen year olds. She lightens the mood by adding, "Do you remember Easter last year?"

Viv laughs. "You threw eggs at Blaine!"

"That wasn't funny. I couldn't brush my hair out for a week."

It isn't funny for another reason. Blaine recalls Clark carving into the floor and how she hadn't been able to tell anyone. Even after Grandpa complained about it over the next dinner. The secret is an added weight to her already heavy heart. If much more is added the organ might pull from her chest completely.

Oblivious to what's troubling her sister, Tina piles on. "Christmas that year was fun too. Blaine and I still have matching slippers."

"And I still have that book on evolution." Viv says. "Good old Grandpa the scientist."

"Yeah." Blaine agrees. "Grandpa always gave the weirdest gifts. I still have that fish that sings when you push the button."

Reminiscing isn't as painful as she predicted. Under that bridge, laughing about the holiday's, is the most time she's spent with her cousin without feeling intimidated.

Despite how different Viv is from the rest of them, they'll at least always have annual dinners to bring them together. Once the three of them finally hike back to meet their parents their eyes are red from tears but their cheeks also flushed from shared smiles.