Fat Forward

Acceptance

Owen stared at the numbers on the digital scale and let out a sigh.

151lbs.

He wasn't clueless; he knew he had put on weight. Since moving in to his own apartment in January he had all but done away with his previous exercise routine. Now it was the end of June and the effects of excluding exercise blared loudly at him in the shape of the bright, red numbers.

He kicked himself for the thoughts he had at the beginning of the year.

I mean, I'm already thin so this pint of ice cream won't hurt.

No need to go on a walk.

I've stayed skinny for a while so I should stay that way.

During his senior year of high school, Owen was at his highest weight of 177lbs. Going to university, however, had the opposite effect on him as it did most of his friends and classmates. All of the walking through campus and exploring the city meant that he was able to dodge the "freshman 15" and begin his decline in weight.

When he walked across the stage for his December graduation, Owen weighed in at a very light 122lbs.

Being only 5'4" not only meant that he was obviously short; but that a lower weight made him appear even smaller. The constant reminder of his height and small frame in the form of teases and lighthearted jokes from friends and strangers alike never quite sat well with him. Despite this, he tried to enjoy his university years and exemplify the societal idea of thin being best.

For all of the bad, however, there was also a bit of good. Many of those who had known Owen at a heavier weight were quick to congratulate him or comment on how good he looked. While he appreciated the sincerity of their words, these compliments did little to truly make him feel good.

The fairly quick upward climb in weight was now only further complicating Owen's already continually scattered view of himself.

I know I never eat that great, and I never have, but I had no idea eliminating exercise would do this much damage this quick!

How many shirts have I had to put to the back of the closet since they "shrunk in the wash?"

As negative thoughts swam rapidly through his head, Owen gave a loud groan before finally stepping off the scale and making his way to the living room. As soon as he sat on the couch, Owen began poking at his soft middle and starting his mental onslaught again.

Perhaps what was most upsetting was that Owen knew the true source of his anguish was his interest in feederism. Despite always proudly proclaiming his love of fat girls, and fat in general, Owen was struggling to come to terms with the fact that he himself was unintentionally gaining weight. Sure he had weighed more before, but this was now!

The role of the fat admirer and feeder had always appealed to him but he vehemently bristled at the notion of turning any of the feederism related attention to himself.

Deep down he knew it was because he would enjoy it.

After years of skillfully avoiding any photographs or videos of male feedees, Owen finally gave in. He convinced himself that he was simply interested in the acts of feederism themselves; rather than admiring the fat bodies and wishing he had a similar one.

To say that Owen and his feelings were complex would be a vast understatement.